


Bad Habits

by PaganBaby



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: All Human, Angst, Drug Addiction, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fetish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-30
Updated: 2003-07-30
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:18:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaganBaby/pseuds/PaganBaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Human.  Buffy is a nun, due to take her final vows in a matter of months.  After she meets Spike at a party, her entire world is turned upside down.</p>
<p>Warnings for:  Graphic sex, drug use, illness, a sexual fetish, and a few nun jokes that an inconsiderate person tells involving nuns and priests.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a kind of companion piece to my other fic, 'Have Mercy' - just flipped around with the roles reversed (and some different circumstances). This fic isn't as light-hearted or funny though; it deals with some heavier issues.
> 
> This fic is not meant to offend anyone of the Catholic faith. It is only a fantasy, nothing more. If you’re offended by the thought of a nun getting freaky with a guy, don’t read any further.
> 
> Thanks to Beth at The Spuffy Archives for suggesting this idea
> 
> * A big thank you to Alyssa for beta'ing for me!  
> ** Thanks to Edgehead, Joy, and Magz for the gorgeous banners! 
> 
> Joss and ME own everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magz

 

Buffy was picking up a few things from the grocery store.

She was a pretty, 5'2" blonde with a pleasant personality and a sad life. Her parents had been killed in a car accident when she was 10, leaving her with only her indifferent grandmother to take care of her. Her grandmother wasted no time in putting Buffy into a Catholic boarding school. Grandma Summers never forgave her son Hank or her daughter-in-law Joyce for screwing around and having Buffy while still in high school. As far as she was concerned they had 'ruined their lives,’ she had said as much. She took out her bitterness on little Buffy as well as Hank and Joyce. Buffy had never gotten any warmth or affection from the woman.

However, the Sisters of Mercy, the nuns who ran the school she attended, had taken her under their wings. They were kind and loving to her. She wanted to be just like them. After she turned 16, she announced her plans to become a nun too, and she'd never looked back.

Now, at the age of 22, she was due to take her final vows in just a few short months and become a full nun. Buffy loved the ceremony and history of the religion; it made her feel safe and secure. She felt like she belonged. 

And the swearing off men part of it wasn't a problem for her. She'd had a boyfriend briefly when she was 16, Scott Hope. He was sweet, funny, and cute, but she hadn’t felt any 'sparks' when he kissed her. The thought of having sex with him did absolutely nothing for her. So, she'd broken up with him for both their sakes.

She tried to test herself by gazing at or thinking about other guys with the same result. Buffy just wasn't interested in sex at all. She felt like a weirdo, especially since the other girls all talked about how amazing it was when their boyfriends kissed them or fucked them (they were supposed to be good Catholic girls, yeah, right!). Buffy even let her thoughts wander to other girls, thinking that maybe she was gay. That however had done even less for her than fantasizing about men. It was shortly after that that Buffy decided becoming a nun was the best thing for her. She'd get to be a part of the religion, she wouldn't look strange for not dating, and she could help people as the Sisters had helped her.

"Hey, Buffy!"

Buffy smiled and looked up at her friend Willow Rosenberg. Willow walked over to her pushing a cart; one of the wheels was spinning erratically.

"Grrr! I always get the wobbly cart!" Willow laughed. "How are you?"

"Hi, Willow. I'm doing well."

Buffy had met Willow a month ago while grocery shopping. Willow was a friendly and perky redhead. She had been surprised when Buffy told her that she was studying to become a nun (Buffy didn't wear the habit all the time). Willow, being raised Jewish, didn't know much about it but thought it was interesting. Buffy dispelled some of the myths about nuns and Willow told her a little about Judaism and Wicca (her chosen religion). Mostly, they talked about everyday things when they got together.

Willow was in college, studying computer technology. She had a boyfriend named Oz who was in a band called 'Dingoes Ate My Baby.' Buffy had laughed at that. What a silly name for a band!

"Buffy, how would you feel about coming to a party with me tonight?" Willow asked.

"A party? What kind of party?"

"It's being held at one of the frats. Oz's band is doing a gig there, I want him to meet you and I want you to see him play. You'll have a good time," Willow said hopefully.

"Oh, I don't know..." Buffy said.

Nuns could go to parties and have fun like anyone else, but Buffy was concerned that it might be a lot rowdier than she was used to.

"Come on, you'll have fun," Willow pressed.

"It's not like that 'Animal House' movie, is it? I saw some of that once."

Willow laughed. "No, it's not like that. So you'll come?"

"Sure, what could it hurt?" Buffy smiled and shrugged.

_Famous last words..._


	2. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magz

 

Buffy and Willow walked into the frat house together. A helpful frat boy took their jackets and purses then put them in an upstairs bedroom for safekeeping.

Oz and his band were performing in the main room. Willow took Buffy's hand and guided her through the throng of dancers so they could watch the band play. Buffy was a little overwhelmed. It wasn't 'Animal House,' but it was a lot noisier and more raucous than the events she usually attended. Buffy hadn’t gone to many parties in her life, and the ones she had attended were usually chaperoned by the nuns. Willow nudged her and pointed to her boyfriend. Buffy recognized Oz from Willow's description: a little on the short side, pale, multi-colored hair. Buffy smiled, he was cute.

Then her eyes focused on the lead singer. For some reason, her chest felt tighter, goose bumps broke out on her arms, there was a - tightness - in her loins. She gazed at him while she listened to the band start a hard-rocking number.

"Oh!" Willow grabbed Buffy's arm. "They're doing 'The Lemon Song,' Oz's bass is really prominent in this one. I'm going to bask." Willow beamed with pride at her diminutive boyfriend. She giggled girlishly when he winked at her.

"The... Lemon Song?" Buffy asked.

"It's a Led Zeppelin song... just listen. It's cool," Willow said distractedly.

The lead singer looked like a punk rocker. His hair was bleached to a white-blond and spiked. He wore black eyeliner and had a piercing through his scarred left eyebrow. He wore silver rings and necklaces, two black leather cuff bracelets on his wrists, and his jeans and t-shirt were ripped. He was odd looking, but... exotic. His face was angular, with fine bone structure. Razor sharp cheekbones tapered down to a strong jaw and an adorable, slightly jutting chin.

He stood in front of the microphone stand and wrapped his hands around the microphone, his chipped, black nail-polished fingers faced outward. He put his head down as his body moved slightly to the beat and he rocked on his heels, tapping out the time. Then he raised his head again and began to sing in a rough, bluesy voice:

 

{{ 

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link: 

[ The Lemon Song - Led Zeppelin ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbnKzRvNTD8)

}} 

 

♫”I should have quit you,  
Long time ago.  
Yeah,  
Long time ago.  
I wouldn't be here, my children,  
Down on this killing floor.

I should have listened baby,  
To my second mind.  
I should have listened baby,  
To my second mind.  
Every time I go away and leave you darling,  
You send me the blues way down the line.”♫

Buffy's breath came more rapidly when his eyes came to rest on her while he sang. His eyes were blue and spectacular; so bright and emotive. He looked unlike any other man she'd ever seen; and it wasn’t just the eyeliner and hair. He had the face of an angel, a fallen angel perhaps... all too beautiful, yet tantalizingly dangerous at the same time. His voice sounded downright sinful.

♫”Treat me right baby.  
People telling me baby,  
Can't be satisfied.  
They try to worry me baby,  
But they never hurt you in my eyes.  
Said people worry,  
I can't keep you satisfied.  
Let me tell you baby,  
You ain't nothing but a two-bit no-good jive.”♫

"Aren't they great?!" Willow asked excitedly.

Buffy nodded. "Mmmhmmm."

The blond singer sang with so much passion and soul, he was an intense performer. The air virtually crackled around him. He gripped the microphone harder, leaning into it, still bouncing lightly on his heels. His piercing eyes looking directly into Buffy's before drifting away again. She swallowed hard. The sensations and feelings rampaging through her body were like nothing she'd ever experienced, leaving her wondering if there might be something medically wrong with her.

♫”Went to sleep last night,  
Worked as hard as I can.  
Bring home my money,  
You take my money give it to another man.  
I should have quit you baby,  
Such a long time ago.  
I wouldn't be here with all my troubles,  
Down on this killing floor”♫

He sang it like he really lived it. Buffy supposed that most people did have a 'he/she done me wrong' experience. She wondered what the woman was like that he was thinking about. As his eyes settled then darted away from her to another section of the audience she exhaled a breath that she hadn't realized she was holding. Her relief was short-lived however as his eyes soon settled on her again. A small, but nevertheless, knee-weakening smile curled at the corners of his mouth.

He sang in a throaty, passionate voice -- his eyes smoldering:

♫”Squeeze me baby,  
Till the juice runs down my leg.  
Squeeze me baby,  
Till the juice runs down my leg.  
The way you squeeze my lemon,  
I'm gonna fall right out of bed - bed - bed - bed, yeah!

I'm gonna leave my children down on this killing floor.”♫

While he sang the last verse, his splayed hands were sliding slowly up and down the fronts of his thighs. Buffy found herself watching his hands then his face alternately. His face was equally as exciting, it showed so much emotion and intensity. He tilted his head back, with a look of... passion? Lust? Whatever it was, it affected Buffy -- a lot. A flood of moisture gushed out from her pussy.

The crowd hooted and wolf whistled.

_'The juice runs down his leg? What does that mean? What ju- .... Oh, my...'_

Buffy's slightly glazed, hooded eyes widened when she surmised what 'lemon' and what 'juice' he was singing about. Her face was burning; the pressure in her nether regions intensified, and her pulse rate sped up. She felt like she was going to faint. Her eyes, of their own volition, strayed to his denim-covered crotch. She licked her dry lips then looked back to his face, gasping when she saw that he was looking directly at her with a lopsided smirk. He'd seen her ogling him - like a common floozy! Buffy looked away sharply, her face flaming crimson. She had to get some fresh air and fast!

"I'll... I'll be back!" Buffy said to Willow then went quickly to the front door.

When Buffy got outside she leaned against the wall and gulped in air. She could hear the band finishing the song inside.

_'What's wrong with me? I've never felt like this before... maybe I am sick...'_ Buffy thought.

"Hey."

Buffy turned her head to see a tall, sandy-haired, nice-looking man with a friendly smile standing near her.

"Oh, hello... I'm just getting some air," Buffy said.

"Yeah, it doesn't help that the Dingoes are playing that 'dinosaur rock' bluesy stuff. They're bringing the whole party down with it -- you can't dance to that stuff. My name's Riley, by the way. Riley Finn." He extended his hand that wasn't holding a beer.

Buffy wished she could have some time to herself, to get her head back on straight, but she didn't want to be impolite. She smiled brightly and shook his hand.

"I'm Buffy Summers. And... I liked the song. I never listened to music like that." She blushed again when she thought of the blond singer.

"Oh... uh, yeah! I meant... I like the song. It's great... just... great." Riley tried to correct his faux pas. "It's nice to meet you, Buffy."

"I'm here with Willow. Do you know her?"

"Willow? Yeah, she's Oz's girl. She's... nice." Riley looked at her hands. "You're in need of some refreshment." He smiled winningly. "Come on, let's get you something."

"Well, I..." Buffy took a breath then, seeing that he was going to insist, nodded.

Riley and Buffy reentered the house, heading for the bar.

"Why don't you find Willow, I'll bring your drink." Riley smiled.

"Okay... thanks." Buffy went in search of her friend.

Willow was standing with the band talking to them -- including the singer. Buffy gulped but kept moving until she reached them.

"Buffy! There you are!" Willow took her by the arm. "Guys, this is Buffy. Buffy these are the Dingoes. Angel, " she pointed to the tall, brunette drummer.

He greeted her by tapping one of his drumsticks on his forehead and smiling. 

Buffy nodded and smiled back.

"This is Xander, the clown prince of rock." Willow giggled and pointed to the dark-haired guitar player with smiling brown eyes.

"Hi!" Xander said cheerfully. "Clown prince? Thanks, Wills. Now I have to be 'on' for the rest of the night."

"This is Oz, my boyfriend," Willow said proudly, putting her other hand on his shoulder.

"How's it goin'?" Oz said.

"Hi, Oz. It's nice to meet you," Buffy said. She knew who was next...

"And last, but not least, this is Spike. The lead singer who's responsible for much swoonage from unsuspecting women-folk." Willow gestured at him with a grin.

"Hello, Buffy. I'm glad you could make it," Spike said in a rich, satiny-smooth voice that made her legs weak -- make that weaker.

She stared into his eyes, feeling herself being pulled into them. Unconsciously, her body moved toward him.

"Here ya go!" Riley said coming up behind her, snapping her out of her trance.

She broke the eye contact with Spike. He handed her a can of Coke.

"Oh... thanks..." Buffy said politely, taking the drink and taking a sip.

Spike snarled slightly. He'd been having a moment with the cute bird before Finn came along. Old White Bread never failed to irk him. Bloody college boy...

"Come on, Buffy," Riley said. "Some of my friends would like to meet you too." He took her by the arm.

"Oh, well... I --" Buffy was reluctant to leave.

"Maybe," Spike said, stepping up, "the lady doesn’t want to go." His voice held menace.

Riley stepped forward too, towering over and looking down at Spike. The testosterone levels were going off the scale. Buffy didn't want to cause any trouble.

"No, it's okay... I want to go. Come on, Riley."

She put a hand on Riley's chest to push him back gently. Riley looked down at her, his winning, All-American smile returning easily.

"Hear that, Spike?" Riley asked smugly. "Right this way, Buffy."

Riley took her arm and looped it through his, leading her away.

Spike's jaw clenched as he watched them blend into the crowd. "Wanker."

* * *

Buffy mingled with some of the other guests. She really wanted to go watch the band, which was performing another song. Something rowdy called 'Double Shot (Of My Baby's Love)'; the whole band was singing, along with a lot of the partiers. 

 

{{ 

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link: 

[ Double Shot (Of My Baby's Love - The Swingin' Medallions ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prQStSL6MKs)

}} 

 

It sounded like fun, but instead she had to smile and nod, talking to Riley's jock friends while they told her about past football games that she had absolutely zero interest in.

Riley had kept her whistle whetted, bringing her a few more Cokes over the course of an hour. Buffy was beginning to suspect that there was more than cola in the can, but she couldn't say anything. You can't just accuse someone of spiking your drink like that... spiking... Spike...

Buffy looked longingly towards the other room where she could hear him singing and whooping. Then Riley was pulling her along again, this time they went to the corner of the room. Five other people (two girls and three guys) were sitting in a wide circle.

"Want to play?" Riley asked her.

"Play what?" Buffy asked.

"Spin the bottle!" He laughed. "It's a kid's game, but still a lot of fun!"

"Oh... no, I..." Buffy's eyes widened. The others in the circle egged her on. She gulped.

"It'll be fun," Riley said, guiding her to a free spot in the circle.

He sat down next to her and rubbed his hands together excitedly. "Let's get started!"

 

In the other room, the band finished up the song to the applause and hoots of the partygoers.

"We're gonna take a little break," Spike said into the microphone. "We'll be back in a half hour."

Spike set off immediately in search of the pretty blonde and Finn, his band mates smiled after him, shaking their heads. Spike certainly seemed to have taken a shine to Willow's friend quickly.

Spike found them playing Spin the Bottle. He almost said something about them playing a stupid, 12-year-old's game, but then thought of the advantages of it.

"Room for another player?" Spike asked sitting down across from Buffy.

Riley blanched. "You were hired to play music, not join the party."

"We're takin' a bloody break. What? We can't socialize with the cultural elite in between sets?" Spike asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

"Let him play, Riley. Geez!" a dark-haired guy said.

The other players agreed that it was no big deal if Spike wanted to play too.

Buffy was trying hard not to blush. Spike was sitting across from her Indian-style, a sexy smirk planted on his face.

"Okay," Spike asked, "who's turn?"

"Why don't you go, Buffy?" one of the girls asked. "You haven't had a turn yet."

"A-alright..." Buffy said.

Against her better judgment, she gave the bottle a good spin. Her heart pounded when the bottle came to a stop pointing to -- Spike. A prayer that she wasn't even aware she'd made came true. Spike's grin broadened.

He got to his hands and knees and leaned halfway across the circle. Buffy swallowed hard.

"Meet me halfway, luv," Spike said with a smile.

Buffy slowly leaned over and touched her lips quickly against his lips then sat back down. Spike blinked, not sure if she'd actually kissed him.

The other players (with the exception of Riley) voiced their objections, saying that the kiss had to be at least ten seconds long. They told her she had to do it right.

Buffy screwed up her courage again and leaned over. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips against Spike's, lingering this time. She was definitely feeling something -- something wonderful -- from the contact. His lips were so soft and full. An electrical-like current buzzed through her body, beginning in her lips then shooting throughout her system like bottled lightning. Her pussy was tingling like crazy.

Spike was enjoying it too. She had wonderful lips and she smelled so lovely; like roses. He wondered what it would be like to shag her if kissing her felt this good. There was tons of passion buzzing just under the surface of this girl... he could feel it.

After ten seconds Buffy pulled away and sat back down, Riley had helped her along, tugging at her arm when she didn't make any move to break the kiss.

The other players giggled and laughed. It was obvious to them that the two blonds had a little thing for each other.

"My turn," Spike said, trying to not show how affected he'd been.

He spun the bottle -- it stopped on Buffy. The others laughed and clapped.

"It must be fate!" one guy declared.

"Now you have to use tongues!" a short, brunette girl giggled.

"Tongues -- Tongues -- Tongues!" They chanted.

Buffy's eyes were wide and she gulped again. Spike smiled slightly and leaned over again, waiting for her to come to him. She looked into his eyes as she leaned forward without consciously moving, he really did have the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen...

Their lips met again. It started out soft and playful, but quickly turned hot when Spike's tongue pushed between her lips. Buffy moaned, her eyes fluttering closed as the kiss continued and deepened. His tongue explored her moist mouth, rubbing against then curling around her organ like a snake and tugging on it. Then her tongue rubbed back, tangling with his. They both emitted low moans. Buffy found herself scooting forward on her knees. Her intention? To jump on top of him and kiss him like this forever.

Her eyes shot open when she deciphered the strange thoughts and impulses going through her mind. She pulled back suddenly and wiped her mouth hastily.

"I-I have to go!" Buffy shot up to her feet and ran out of the room.

Spike was still on his hands and knees in a bit of a daze. He shook his head slightly to clear it.

The others laughed. "You were too much for her, Spike-O!"

"What's her problem?" one of the girls wondered, she sure as shit wouldn't have run off like that if she'd gotten the chance to kiss the sexy singer.

Riley's nostrils flared. "She probably has to puke."

Spike eyes snapped to his. "Fuck you, wanker."

Spike stood up and went searching for her again. There was no way he was going to let her get away that easily, not after the amazing kiss they'd shared.

 

Buffy had run up the stairs in a panic, not knowing where she was going. She came to a door and went in, shutting it behind her and leaning back against it.

She was breathing heavily; she wiped some sweat from her brow. The previously unknown and alien feeling of her panties being soaked from desire overwhelmed her thoughts. Why was she feeling this way about him? No other guy had gotten her hot before. What was it about him that made her want to disregard everything, her vows and the future she'd planned for herself, just to kiss him again? Her skin felt too tight and itchy, her wet panties were getting extremely uncomfortable.

There was a light knock on the door.

"Buffy? Luv, you in there?"

She gasped and leaned against the door to keep him out.

"I... just want to make sure you're alright. You left kinda sudden-like... Are you? Okay, I mean."

"Y-yes. I want to be... alone... right now," Buffy said, taking a shuddery breath.

"Oh... okay. Right then..." Spike started to move away from the door then stopped. "Could you give me my coat, pet? It's a black leather duster. My smokes are in the pocket, I want to catch one before the next set."

"O-okay..." Buffy said, looking at the coats piled on the bed.

She lightly slapped herself. This was silly. Let the man come in and get his coat, for goodness sake. Buffy took a breath and opened the door, peeking around the corner at him. He smiled at her tentatively.

"You... can come in and get it."

"Thanks, luv."

Spike walked in and went to the bed, rooting around for his coat.

Buffy closed the door and leaned against it again. She couldn't help staring at his bum while he was bending over the bed. More wetness leaked from her pussy, the tops of her inner-thighs were soaked with it. She was trembling with what she didn't recognize as lust. All she knew was that she burning up inside, she felt like she was going to jump out of her skin.

"Ah! Found it!" Spike said, pulling his coat out of the pile.

He draped it over his arm and walked back to the door where she still stood. He noticed her shaking and looked at her with concern.

"Hey... are you alright, luv? You... don't look like you feel so good. You want me to fetch Willow?"

Buffy said in a low, wavering voice, "That... game... I never played that before..." Her green eyes were glassy and wide. The feelings were beginning to overwhelm and overtake her.

Spike mentally kicked himself. He looked at her full of regret and remorse. "Buffy, I'm sorry if I upset you... I wouldn't've made you kiss me if --"

"You didn't make me..." Buffy said breathily. "I wanted to. I _wanted_ you to."

"Then... what's wrong?" Spike asked, creasing his brow, his eyes danced over her face.

"Kiss me again," Buffy said, her eyes getting cloudier, her eyelids lowered to half-mast.

Spike's eyes widened slightly. "You want me to kiss you? Right now?"

"Uh-huh." Buffy nodded. "I want to test something... I felt. I can't describe it, I felt something so... marvelous when you kissed me. I want to see if it happens again."

Spike smiled sexily, curling his tongue behind his teeth, now THAT he understood! "I'm always happy to help out with scientific experiments..."

He moved into her space, their faces inches apart. He brushed his cheek against hers for a moment, their cheeks slid against each other's. They inhaled the other's scent, their breath coming quicker.

Buffy moved her face suddenly to capture his lips. Their lips mashed together.

Spike's passion rose (along with a part of his anatomy). He mauled her lips, as if he were trying to devour her.

Buffy was gasping, lost in the kiss and the moment. She was no expert by any means, but he just had to be the very best kisser in the world -- he kissed with his whole body, pouring all of his emotion and passion into it. Buffy felt like a live volcano, her insides were boiling and quaking, molten lava flowed between her legs. She deepened the kiss, shoving her tongue in his mouth. Her arms wrapped around his neck pulling him harder against her. Control was lost.

Spike moaned loudly at her potent desire for him. He felt the same way about her. His hands went to her back, one sliding down to grab one of her firm ass cheeks. He gave it a good squeeze, making her groan and kiss him more hungrily. It was when her tongue was wrestling with his that he finally detected the alcohol she'd (unknowingly) consumed. Against the protestations of his body, he took her by the shoulders and held her away from him at arm's length.

Buffy tried lunging back to his mouth but he held her fast.

"What?!" Buffy asked, her hands trying to pull him back to her.

"Pet..." Spike swallowed hard, trying to get a handle on his libido, "how much have you had to drink?"

"Drink? Coke -- only Coke."

Spike looked at her dubiously. "But I can taste --"

Buffy growled and succeeded in pulling his head back down to hers -- her animalistic lust gave her the strength of ten horny almost-nuns.

Spike struggled a bit, but was losing his will quickly. Her lips were so heavenly; her petite body was so firm and inviting... He rallied his strength one more time and tore his mouth from hers. Her mouth went to his neck, licking and mouthing it. Spike was breathing hard, his eyes closed in pleasure.

"B-Buffy, I don't want to t-take advantage of you!" Spike exclaimed with sincerity and more than a little desperation. He didn't want to stop, but he didn't want to give a girl too drunk to know what she was doing, an extra 'party favor'.

Buffy moved him backwards; her foggy brain knew the bed was in that direction. She wanted to have sex. For the first time in her life, she wanted it. She craved it.

Now.

The backs of Spike's legs came in contact with the bed. With an 'Ooompphh!' he tumbled backwards onto the mattress and the pile of coats covering it.

Buffy swiftly climbed on top of him, her knees on either side of his hips. She dropped back down, covering his mouth with hers.

Spike whimpered slightly. She was so forceful and demanding, it made him even harder for her. This wholesome-seeming little blonde was going to rock his world. Spike could feel the sparks flying between them -- the kind of sparks that promised a fantastic shag.

Buffy instinctually rubbed her mound over his bulge. They groaned into each other's mouths. Spike could feel how hot and wet she was, even through the denim of his jeans and her skirt. The heat coming from her pussy was like a blast furnace.

"Ahhh -- Buffy! You're so hot, pet!" Spike moaned. "You feel how much I want you, baby?" Spike thrust up, rubbing his erection against her hip.

Buffy took a moment to look down at the already large (and still growing) lump in his pants.

_'That's his penis. He has an erection.'_ her muddled brain provided.

Buffy's hands flew to his belt, undoing it almost violently, then his pants. She needed to see his penis. She paused for a split second to absorb the information that he wasn't wearing underwear then stuck her hand inside and felt the smooth skin of his cock.

Spike groaned and tilted his head back. Buffy took it out of his jeans, touching it softly for a few seconds; she looked at it in wonder, it was so hard yet the skin was so velvety soft. Pearly white liquid was leaking from the tip. She turned her head and started kissing him again while she rubbed his cock, her inexperience making her a bit rougher than she should've been.

Spike didn't mind a bit of rough-and-tumble -- this entire encounter was fierce, passion-fueled and raw. She wasn't hurting him exactly, it was just this side of pain, but mostly it was intense and pleasurable.

Spike put one his hands on her thigh and gathered her skirt up, pulling it up to her waist. His left hand zeroed in on her sex. He rubbed her through her plain, white cotton panties.

At the first brush of his fingers on her fabric-covered slit, Buffy gasped and arched her back. She was so sensitized; she was ready to explode. She tightened her grip on his dick and stroked him faster.

Spike's eyes popped out slightly, he groaned loudly in pleasure/pain. "PET! Not -- not so h-hard!"

Regardless Buffy was more cave girl than modern woman right now. She made a growling noise, attacking his lips again as she kept jerking the long, hard column of his cock in her small hand.

Spike growled back and shoved his hand inside her panties. His long fingers slid between her pussy lips, they were covered in her gooey liquid immediately.

"YESSS!" Buffy whimpered and cried, humping against his hand.

Spike moaned into her mouth, he was getting very close to cumming. All that mattered was release - his and hers. He pressed his middle finger into her hole, making her squeal against his lips. He used his thumb to rub her clit. His thumb ring was very well placed for her maximum pleasure.

Buffy's vision began to blur, her body felt like it was a coiled spring ready to be released, her vagina and lower abdomen tightened and clenched. Then - all the air was suddenly sucked out of the room with a *whoosh!*

Then it happened. She came. Hard. Small explosions of light were going off behind her eyes, her body jerked then shuddered all over. What started out as a low moan in her throat, built to a high-pitched wail.

"YYYESSSSS! OHHH - OHHHH GOD! OHHH YESSSS!" Buffy scrunched up her face gasping for air, she'd never known this kind of physical pleasure was possible.

She felt like she was floating, rising higher and higher into the Earth's atmosphere. Her hand faltered only momentarily on his cock. Buffy jacked him harder and faster as she humped his hand.

"G-God! Ahhhh! Buffy!" Spike thrust hard into her hand and started to cum.

His hips bucked, thick, white spunk erupted from his cock’s head, coating Buffy's still pumping hand and splashing down on some of the jackets they were laying atop. Buffy was fascinated by the way his cock pulsated in her palm. The creamy liquid shooting out also interested her quite a lot -- she felt the hot cum dripping down her fingers.

_'That came out of him... that's why it's hot...'_ Her brain was overheating.

They panted and kept stroking each other to further pleasure.

* * *

_A few minutes earlier…_

 

"Where is she?" Willow chewed her lower lip nervously. She stood on her tiptoes to look over the heads of the party guests.

"I don't know, babe," Oz said, looking around. "She left with Riley..."

"Riley!" Willow called, catching sight of the tall frat boy.

She waved in the air. He looked over at her. Willow gave him a 'come here' gesture. Riley made his way over to Willow and Oz.

"Riley, where's Buffy? I can't find her anywhere. I'm supposed to watch out for her tonight." Willow was almost frantic.

Riley snorted. "Last I saw her, she took off. That assho-" He looked at Oz, who was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and decided to be more diplomatic. "Your friend Spike went after her. Someone said they saw them go upstairs..." Riley grimaced.

"What!?" Willow was now officially frantic. "Oh my God!"

She grabbed Oz' hand and dragged him behind her to the upper floor.

* * *

Buffy wasn't finished basking in the afterglow of her first ever orgasm when the second one blind-sided her. She cried out and whimpered, as Spike coaxed another flood of liquid from her.

"UUNNNGGGHAA! GOD–OH–GOD-OH-GOD!" Buffy's eyes rolled up; her body shaking more violently than the first time. Later, she'd be mortified that she'd called to the Lord in her moment of forbidden ecstasy.

Spike moaned as the last few drops of semen squirted out of him. The movement of his hips became more relaxed, only jerking every other few seconds. Buffy's slick hand continued to pump him though; she wanted this to go on and on forever...

There was a pounding at the door.

"Buffy!? Are you in there?!" came Willow's voice. She'd heard a woman shouting that sounded too much like Buffy not to be Buffy.

Willow threw the door open and screamed at the sight on the bed: Buffy was laying half on top of Spike, stroking his cock -- her hand covered with his jism. She was moaning and bucking her hips against him.

"BUFFY!" Willow yelled, spinning around quickly and burying her face in Oz's shoulder. "EWWW! Oz, do something!"

Spike raised his head and looked at them with bleary eyes. "Hey... someone's in here... sod off," he muttered.

"Spike, put it away, man," Oz said, averting his eyes away from his friend's very recently spent dick.

"Buffy-luv," Spike said groggily. "Time to stop, petal."

"No!" Buffy said petulantly. "MORE!"

She kissed him ravenously, her cum-slick hand still pumping him, trying to get him back to full hardness again.

"Uh... Willow, babe... I think you'd better get your girl," Oz said.

"Dammit!" Willow felt awful. She was responsible for Buffy tonight and hadn't done her job; she was the worst nun-watcher ever. She strode over and grabbed Buffy by the arm, then gently but firmly pulled her from Spike's body.

"No, want more!" Buffy said in a daze, trying to go back to Spike.

Spike put his cock back in his jeans, his eyes still glassy and unfocused. He absently wiped off the wads of cum that had landed on other people's jackets.

"Ooops," he said. "I gave some folks a Lewinsky..."

Willow pulled Buffy out of the room and straight to the bathroom.

"Hey..." Spike said furrowing his brows and standing up. "What the fuck? Buffy's not a kid or anything. Why can't she have a good fuck if she wants one?" Spike said, preparing to go after the girls.

Oz put his arm out and stopped Spike's progress, looking up at him.

"What?" Spike pursed his lips.

"To answer your last question, she's a nun. They aren't exactly known for getting wildly fucked at frat parties."

Spike stared blankly at him, then burst into a fit of boisterous laughter. "Oh fuck! Yeah, right!" He laughed then looked back at Oz. "You put the 'dead' in deadpan, Osbourne."

Spike's laughs trickled to a stop. "No... she's not a... You're yanking my chain."

"I don't want to yank anything of yours... believe me," the presently green and blue-haired bassist said dryly.

Spike's face dropped, a mixed look of disbelief and horror washed over his features. "You mean... I-I -- "

"You got jerked off by a nun and made her cum on your hand?" Oz looked at Spike's glistening, Buffy-juice covered left hand. "Yep. You got busy with a woman who's technically married to God... you're going straight to hell."

Without thinking, Spike put his hands over his face, getting Buffy's sticky spendings all over his face.

"Bloody hell..." Spike said wretchedly.

He felt like even more of a miserable git when his tongue reflexively darted out to taste it. He groaned at the rich, intoxicating flavor and aroma. Buffy was delicious.

Yes. He was going to Hell.

* * *

Willow took Buffy to the bathroom and helped clean her up.

Buffy sat on the edge of the bathtub. Willow was scrambling to get a washcloth. While Willow was busy, Buffy was examining her cum soaked hand, turning it over and looking at the thick, white substance with interest.

She still hadn't recovered her senses yet. Quickly, Buffy raised her hand to her mouth and gave the gooey liquid an inquisitive, experimental lick. Her eyes brightened, she licked her chops, her taste buds were dancing with his flavor; salty and tangy.

_'YUM!'_ her brain exclaimed.

Buffy's mouth watered for more, luckily, she had a whole hand coated with the stuff. She let out a low, deep moan and started zealously cleaning her hand like a cat grooming its paw.

Willow turned around. "Eeek! Stop that!"

She rushed over and took Buffy's hand, cleaning it off with the wet cloth. Buffy knit her brows and pouted, she was mad that the redhead had denied her the tasty treat. Cum shone on her lips and chin. Willow cleaned her face off quickly.

"Buffy, I am soooo sorry. I sh-shouldn't have left your side tonight." Willow's eyes filled with tears.

Buffy didn't understand why Willow was upset. The Cokes (with rum) and the orgasms had pushed her head into the clouds. Earthly responsibilities, morals and vows that she'd taken, were temporarily forgotten.

Willow continued cleaning up her friend: washing between her legs, her thighs, etc. She made Buffy go to the sink and splash cold water in her face repeatedly. By the fifteenth splash, reality and sobriety began coming back to her.

Buffy stared into the mirror. What she'd done with the sexy, bleached blond singer reran in her head.

"Oh... Oh God..." Buffy whispered at her shocked reflection.

She was ashamed of herself for acting like a cheap whore, so wanton and without any decency whatsoever. She'd practically raped him! Buffy had been out of her mind with desire. She felt sick to her stomach when she realized that she would have taken it further had Willow and Oz not came in when they did. Her face turned varying degrees of red. And she could still taste his cum -- it was soooo goood.

There were so many reasons to feel ashamed. The biggest one being that she was getting aroused again as she remembered every kiss, every touch, every sigh and moan. The way he had looked, so enraptured and lost in bliss, when he came in her hand had her heart skipping beats.

"God help me..." Buffy said tonelessly.

* * *

Back downstairs, Spike was pacing back and forth anxiously. Angel, Xander, and Oz watched him go back and forth and ranting.

"Willow should have bloody told you!" Spike whispered hotly to Oz. "Why wouldn't she tell you something that important?!"

"I guess she didn't think you'd try to have sex with her nun friend," Oz said.

Xander and Angel were shocked to say the least when Oz filled them in on what had happened. He edited the more graphic parts (Buffy pumping Spike's dick, her hand covered with his cum) of the tale.

"Let me see if I got it straight..." Xander said, still stunned. "Number 1: That cute blonde chick is a nun? Number 2: You scored with a chick that took a vow of chastity. Number 3:....." Xander paused. "I forgot what number 3 was... I gotta tell ya, I'm very impressed with number 2." He looked at Spike. "Spike, did I ever tell you that you're my hero?" He batted his eyelashes at Spike.

"It's not bloody funny, Xander!" Spike scolded, he winced slightly -- his cock was sore from the extra hard pulling Buffy had done. "I might have screwed up her life cause I didn't... I couldn't control myself." Spike dragged a hand through his spiky hair. "I can't bloody believe this..."

Angel put a hand on Spike's shoulder to halt his pacing. "Hey, you didn't force her, right? She's an adult."

"Course I didn't bloody force her!" Spike said grumpily. "She... had too much to drink."

The thing that upset him most was how much he _still_ wanted Buffy. Her lips, her hands, her body – everything! Even now that he knew the truth. Spike wasn't a religious person by a long shot, but he felt horribly guilty for his improper behavior and thoughts. It was like he'd offended God Himself.

He felt damned.

Riley approached them. "Hey, are you guys going to actually play again, or what?" he asked, irritated.

Spike scowled at him. "Yeah, we'll get back to it..."

"Good, because --" Riley stopped when he saw Willow and Buffy nearby. "Buffy! Hey, there you are!"

Buffy looked over and gulped. Spike was standing right next to Riley, a nervous expression on his face.

"Can you do this?" Willow whispered in her ear.

Buffy took a deep breath and nodded. Truthfully, she wasn't sure.

They made their way over.

"I was hoping you didn't leave." Riley smiled, showing his perfect teeth.

"Uh, yeah..." Buffy said, blushing at Spike's proximity. "I am pretty tired though, I should be going home."

"No! Don't go! There's still a lot more party left," Riley said.

They chatted (mostly Riley) for a few minutes. Buffy and Spike made a point of not looking directly at each other. They did catch the other stealing a glance a few times, though. Spike and his band moved away to get their instruments ready for their next set.

Riley's friend Forrest, a tall, stocky black man, joined them. He was telling a string of jokes, the people gathered around laughed and snickered as they became progressively dirtier.

"Oh! Tell the one you told me yesterday! That's so fuckin' funny!" Riley said.

"Okay." Forrest smiled then began, "A nun and a priest --" Buffy's eyebrows shot up, "-- are ridin' a camel through the desert. After a few days the camel drops dead, right, the priest figures they're gonna die."

Willow tried interrupting him but he kept telling the joke. Due to the crowd surrounding Forrest, they couldn't leave.

"The priest says to the nun, 'I've never seen a woman's breasts, could I see yours?' The nun shrugged and said, 'Sure,' and shows him her tits. 'Can I touch them?' the priest asks. The nun lets him. The priest says how wonderful they are."

Buffy was blushing bright red.

"Then the nun says, 'Father, I've never seen a man's penis before, could you show me yours?' The priest dropped his pants. 'May I touch it?' the nun asks. After she fondles his dick for a minute he's sporting a huge hard-on. The priest says, 'You know if I put it in the right place it can give life!' The nun replies, 'Is that right?' The priest nods and says, 'Yes!' Then --" Forrest and Riley are giggling, "-- then she says, 'Why don't you stick it up the camel's ass and let's get the hell out of here!"

Everyone started laughing, except Buffy and Willow.

"What's so funny?" Xander asked, the other band members rejoining the circle.

"Forrest told a great joke!" a party guest said, laughing. "Tell another one!"

"I got one!" Riley said. "Two nuns are walking down an alley at night. Two guys jump out, tear their clothes off and start fucking the shit out of them." The people who knew Buffy was a nun were aghast. "The first nun looks to heaven and says, 'Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing.' The second nun looks up smiling, and says, 'This one does!'"

The others laughed riotously.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you!?" Spike said in shock.

"Geez, Spike, loosen up," Riley said. "It's just a joke. What? Was your mom a nun?" Riley sneered.

"She's a nun, you nit!" Spike replied, pointing to Buffy.

Riley chuckled but stopped when he saw the look on Buffy's face. He gulped. "You're... you're really...?"

"Yes," Buffy said quietly, wishing she could crawl into a hole and die.

"I-I had no idea! Nobody told me!" Riley panicked. "I'm sorry!"

"It's... okay," Buffy said, "I just want to leave... now."

"Sure, Buffy," Willow said, shooting Riley a scowl then taking her by the elbow and guiding her through the now quiet crowd.

After they were out of the room, Spike glared at Riley.

"Real smooth, wanker."

"Come on! You would've laughed too if you didn't know she was a... Damn, I can't believe a hot chick like her is one of those." Riley shook his head.

"For once, I agree with you..." Spike mumbled.


	3. Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magz

A month passed...

Buffy had gone and confessed her sins at the first opportunity. She was beside herself with guilt and was anxious to do penance. She couldn't stop thinking about Spike and how he'd made her feel. To her further shame, she had touched herself quite a few times at night when she thought about him... trying to duplicate the orgasms he'd given her. She did cum, but it wasn't nearly as intense as when he'd given them to her.

Willow was feeling horrible about letting what happened happen. Buffy, however, assured her that she didn't blame her at all, it was Buffy's own job to take care of herself. She'd avoided anyplace she thought Spike might go; she couldn't possibly look him in the eye with her potently lustful feelings towards him.

Notwithstanding this, after a month, Buffy felt strong enough to do the right thing and apologize to him for her totally inappropriate behavior. She had definitely been the aggressor that night; men found it very hard to refuse when a woman jumped them. She'd been more animal than woman.

Buffy made her way through the crowd at The Bronze to Willow's table.

"Buffy!" Willow said happily. "What are you doing here? You want to sit down?"

Buffy smiled and sat in the proffered chair. "Hi, Willow. I heard the Dingoes were playing... I wanted to speak to Spike about... what happened last month. To apologize."

"Apologize? To him?" Willow said in disbelief. "Buffy, you have nothing to be sorry for. He... It's... It's like a fantasy come true for a guy to have a pretty woman come onto him." Willow winced, regretting her choice of words but continued, "You don't have to apologize."

"No," Buffy said resolutely. "I need to. To explain my behavior... as best I can anyway."

Buffy's eyes went to the stage where the band was just winding down their set. She sighed inwardly. He looked so gorgeous up there, all punked out and grinning gleefully -- so alive and full of passion. Buffy released a shuddery breath.

"Thank you! You guys are a terrific audience!" Spike said to the room. "We're outta here!"

With that, the crowd applauded and the band went backstage.

"They'll be coming over..." Willow said. "Are you sure you're up to talking to him?"

Buffy hadn't told Willow how she still lusted after Spike, but she had told her how embarrassed and ashamed she felt about it. She couldn't stop thinking about when he'd cum. The way he looked, the way his cock felt pulsing in her hand, the way his cum had erupted out of him, the way his cum had tasted...

Buffy nodded. "Yes... it's the right thing to do."

A deep-dark part of Buffy's psyche helped push her to do this. It didn't care about apologizing at all, it only wanted to see him again; to gaze into those clear blue eyes.

After ten minutes the band came to the table.

"Great set, guys!" Willow chirped, giving Oz a kiss. "Look who's here."

The guys were surprised to see Buffy but smiled and said 'hello'. Spike nodded and mumbled, finding an interesting spot on the floor to look at.

He gulped. Seeing her again, even after a month to cool down, was both exciting and guilt inducing. Spike had meant to get her number to apologize for what he'd done to her, but he never quite got the courage to do it.

Spike had a lot of very hot and wet dreams about the blonde nun. One he'd had just last night was especially erotic. It ran through his mind before he could stop it:

 

_Spike's dream, #20_

Spike was laying naked in bed (his preferred method of sleeping), thinking about Buffy and how good it felt to have her hand around his dick - not to mention how hot and wet her pussy felt under his hand. A massive hard-on lay against his belly. Just when he was about to attend to himself, he heard the floorboards creak near the door to his bedroom.

He looked over quickly and gasped. It was Buffy. She was dressed like a nun this time, in full black and white habit.

Buffy walked slowly over to him, the only light in the room was provided by the Full Moon coming through the window. She smiled down at him, looking beautiful and ethereal - she looked holy.

"Hello, Spike," Buffy said in a lilting voice.

"B-Buffy? What are you doing here?"

"I was remembering what happened at the party... what happened between us."

"I'm sorry! I didn't know! I never would have --"

Buffy silenced him by bending down and putting two fingers against his lips.

"I want you," Buffy said huskily.

Spike's eyes widened. "No, it's... It's not - "

Buffy silenced him again, this time by running her hand down his body to his cock - his muscles flexed involuntarily under her fingertips. She wrapped her fingers around it and stroked it.

Spike sighed and tilted his head back. "But, you're... a nun! You took vows!" he protested feebly.

"Shhh," Buffy climbed on top of him. "I don't care about that anymore. I need you. I need your cock."

Spike groaned with desire.

Buffy let go of his dick and pulled her habit off, leaving her completely naked except for the veil part of the habit. That she left on. (Some weird subconscious kink of his, he guessed when he later analyzed the dream.)

"I'm a virgin, Spike. I want you to be the first to fuck me." She rose up over his erect cock and slowly sank down on it.

"Ohh -- Oh Buffy -- Ahhh!" Spike moaned. "Oh yeah!"

Spike had never been with a virgin before (he'd only been with one woman his whole life, Drusilla, and she was hardly a virgin by the time he'd found her). His mind provided all the sensations of fucking a virgin from accounts he'd read and heard about. She was tight as hell (he'd felt how tight she was when he stuck his finger inside of her).

Buffy sat atop him motionless for a few moments as she stretched out to accommodate his large cock, she was moaning and palming her tits. Spike brushed her hands away and fondled her breasts, rolling her nipples and kneading her soft flesh. It didn't take long for her to begin fucking herself on him.

Spike hands slid down to her waist, he held onto her hips and rocked into her. Buffy was groaning, her face a mask of pure pleasure.

"Yes, Spike! Yes! FUCK ME! FUCK MY CUNT!"

Spike growled and flipped her over onto her back. He smashed their lips together and thrust slowly for a few moments, and then he began fucking her hard and fast. He supported himself on his forearms and watched her beautiful face as he fucked her. The moonlight highlighted her form as she lay under him. She had a look of ecstasy on her face, her lovely mouth hung open, little mewling, gasping sounds flowed from her. It was the most erotic thing he'd ever experienced, it fanned the flames of his ardor higher and higher.

"Buffy -- Aaaahhh! So lovely -- so bloody beautiful!" Spike moaned, ramming into her tight box.

Buffy clawed at his back, her legs wrapping around him. She gasped and cried out. "OH! OHHHH! HARDER! FUCK ME HARDER!"

Spike happily obliged, pumping his hips wildly and slamming into her oh-so-formerly virgin cunt. He grunted and breathed heavily. Buffy's body started shaking, her pussy clamped down on his cock.

"AHHHH! OHHHH! YES, SPIKE!" Buffy screeched.

Spike thrust powerfully three more times before he exploded inside of her.

"BUFFY!" he half sobbed, still plunging into her quivering hole.

He stiffened and shot load after load into her hot quim. Buffy moaned and whimpered, digging her nails into his flesh. Deep, half-moon shaped gouges formed on his back from her passionate clawing…

 

Needless to say, Spike had woken up in a pool of his own fluids this morning.

His face was burning with embarrassment - his dark and vivid fantasy running uncontrollably through his mind. He shook himself to bring him mind back to the present. He glanced at Buffy, she was looking back at him. Spike's eyes darted away, his heart thudded.

"Spike? Can I talk to you in private?" Buffy asked timidly.

He swallowed noisily but nodded. _'Be cool! Be cool!'_ he commanded himself.

They moved to a more quiet, secluded spot near the stairs to the upper level.

"What, uh, would you like to talk about... Sister... uh, Sister Buffy?" Spike asked awkwardly. "Is that what you're called?"

Buffy smiled. "You can just call me plain old Buffy. That'd be fine. About... what happened at the party... I want to say I'm sorry for... acting the way I did."

Spike was taken aback that she felt the need to say she was sorry.

"You don't have to apologize to me... I'm the one who did wrong. "I, um, wanted to apologize to you. I feel so bad about what I did to you..."

"It was completely my fault," Buffy said, putting a hand on his arm. She had to quash the shudder she felt at his hard bicep flexing under her palm. "I acted inappropriately. Don't blame yourself."

Spike suppressed the excitement that raced through him at her touch. His eyes became rounder when his cock twitched. He had to get out of here! And quick. In the skintight blue jeans he was wearing, it would be obvious that he had an erection.

"I, uh, have to go check on... some equipment in the van! Nice talking to you!" Spike beat a hasty retreat.

Buffy watched him walking quickly away and sighed. He was even more beautiful than she remembered. Her nether regions ached terribly, almost like menstrual cramps but painful in a different fashion. Buffy had half-convinced herself that she'd done what she'd done at the party because of the alcohol... but that was a lie. True, the alcohol had helped, but she had really been drunk on sensation and emotion. Something about this particular man drove her wild, insane with passion.

One of her many dreams (one of her particular favorites) about him played out behind her eyes:

 

_Buffy's Dream #10_

Buffy was naked and back in the bedroom, lying on top of the coats on the bed. Spike was there with her, standing by the bed, his hard cock jutting out in front of his body. He looked like a Greek God, so strong, beautiful, and perfect.

"Fancy it, pet?" He smirked, stroking his manhood slowly.

"Yes! Oh, YES!" Buffy exclaimed. "I want to squeeze your lemon," Buffy smiled coyly, referring to the song he'd sung that night, "till the juice runs down your leg..."

Spike's smirk broadened. "Have at it."

She scooted down the bed towards him and took his cock in her hands, pumping it up and down. He moaned, his hands going into her hair and petting her face.

Buffy slid her mouth over his prickhead, slavering all over it. He tasted so good, she wanted to make his delicious cum shoot into her mouth. Buffy moaned and sucked his dick; the fingers of her right hand went to her pussy. Spike pushed her shoulders back until his cock popped out of her mouth.

She looked up at him in a worshipful way.

"You need something too, petal." (Buffy had loved it when he called her that -- it made her all gushy.)

Spike pushed her down onto her back and straddled her thighs. His cock throbbed against her stomach. He sat there, straddling her and smiling down.

Buffy wanted to fuck -- but she didn't know what it felt like. Her subconscious couldn't supply the feeling. Instead her mind opted for going with what it knew felt so good.

Spike put his hand over her mound, rubbing and sliding his fingers into her wet folds.

"Ahhh -- Ohhh! Ahhh! Spike!" Buffy cried, shaking from the pleasure he gave her.

She whimpered and took his cock in her hands again, pumping the shaft. Spike moaned and started thrusting his hips lightly. He stuck a finger inside of her and fucked her slowly and shallowly with it while he rubbed her clit like he had before, his thumb ring providing extra stimulation.

Buffy humped and moaned continuously while jacking his cock. Their movements sped up and became more frenzied over the next few minutes, building up to the big finish.

At the same time, they cried out in ecstasy.

"SPIKE! OH OHHH -- YESSSS!"

"Unnnhhhaa -- Ohhh Buffy!"

Buffy shuddered and panted as she came onto his hand. Spike's cock started spurting onto her chest and face, soaking her with it. She gasped and opened her mouth, holding his pulsing penis so that it was aimed at her face. Several wads shot out, arced into the air and into her mouth. She smacked her lips and swallowed, immediately opening her mouth for more. Stream after stream shot out landing on her chest, in her mouth and on her face, a glob hit her just above her right eye. Buffy immediately scooped it up with her fingers and sucked it into her mouth.

After a few more spurts, Spike pulled away and bent down over her. He smeared the gooey white stuff all over her chest, making her glisten and shine with it. He began licking his own cum off her chest with broad  
strokes of his tongue and sucking it off her nipples. His hand went back to her pussy, exploring her. She panted and watched him cleaning her chest with his tongue and playing with her pussy. It was the hottest thing she could imagine seeing -- ever. She wanted him to cum all over her body, she wanted to bathe in it, drink it down and have him lick it off every inch of her. Spike looked up at her as he bathed her, an opened-mouth smile on his face. Buffy's head jerked backwards, her back arching off the bed.

"OOOHHH! OHHHH! SPIKE!" Buffy screamed as another orgasm hit her.

Buffy had woken up in the morning with her fingers buried in her pussy, her underwear were drenched with her juice...

 

Someone bumped into Buffy, jarring her from her favorite dream. Her face was bright red again, her underwear was soaked through, and her pulse was pounding away. She'd developed what she didn't know was called a 'cum fetish' -- not any random guy's cum though, just Spike's.

She hurried back to the table and quickly said her goodbyes to Willow and the band, saying that she had a late shift at the place she volunteered.

It was straight to Confession for her tonight before anything else.

* * *

After a few minutes, Spike felt courageous enough to go back to the table. He felt both disappointment and relief that his dream girl had left.

The band and Willow sat around making small talk for a while.

"Hello, boys. Hello, my Spike."

Spike looked up into the smiling face of Dru, his ex. Out of habit, a smile began to form on his face. Then he remembered their last breakup, in a series of breakups. It hadn't been pretty. His smile disappeared.

The others at the table glared at Dru, their gazes dripping venom.

Dru was into the music and drug scene. She and Spike had lived a fast-paced lifestyle for some time, during which she'd introduced him to a number of drugs, including heroin. He had tried it at first just to appease her, but quickly became hooked on it. His personality began changing; he was more irritable and quick to anger. The band had almost broken up because of it. Luckily, Dru had broken up with him for some guy that she worked with at 'Chaos Demon Records'.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, that left Spike without a connection and without the money to afford any more H. Xander, Oz, and Angel had stayed with him in his apartment when he went through the violent withdrawals. They took care of him for a week.

Spike hadn't seen Dru since then, four months ago. He was clean, only imbibing beer or whiskey and smoking cigarettes. After the hell he'd gone through going through withdrawal, he never wanted to see another illegal drug again... the craving was still there sometimes, but he could handle it.

"Dru," Spike said, his jaw muscles tightening then relaxing. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Indeed." Dru grinned. "I'm back in town on business, thought I'd come by and see if you were playing tonight."

"Why don't you go attend to your 'business,'" Xander said coldly. "None of us have the remotest interest in talking to you."

"Xander!" Dru tsk'ed and wagged her finger at him. "That was very mean of you. You hurt my feelings." She pouted.

"Dru, just take off," Angel said, his face stony.

Spike was embarrassed that his friends were taking it upon themselves to speak for him.

"Spike, can I talk to you, luv? Just for a mo'," Dru purred.

"No, get the hell out of here. He doesn't want to talk to you," Xander said.

"Just a bloody minute!" Spike said, his face flushed. "She's my bloody ex. I can speak for myself."

The manager of the club came up. "You guys ready for your next set?"

"Yeah... we're just about ready," Angel said.

They stood up.

"You guys go on," Spike said. "I'll be right there."

They looked at him uncertainly, but went to the stage, casting glances back at the two Brits.

Dru took Spike by the arm and led him to the secluded spot that he and Buffy had talked in.

"I don't have time for this, Dru. I have to go back on."

"Ohhh, you can't spare your Dark Goddess a minute?" She pouted.

"Just... make it quick."

"Alright." Dru smiled and leaned in to kiss him, her mouth open, tongue at the ready.

Spike pulled back before she made contact with his lips. "Stop it, Dru! You broke up with me, remember?"

"Yes, I was so bad to do that. You should spank me -- spank me harrrd." She growled and snapped her jaws at him playfully.

"It's over. We're done, through, finito, fin, finished... and any other words you can think of to signify 'the end'. It'd be best for both of us to not get involved again," Spike said firmly.

"I know I hurt you before... Let me make it up to you, darling," Dru said.

She looked around then reached into her purse, pulling out a few small foil packages. She tried slipping them into his hand. He recoiled from her when he realized they contained heroin.

"I don't want that shit!" Spike said shakily, he looked around them to see if anyone else had seen it.

"It's very good stuff. I just picked it up this morning, I don't mind sharing with you. It's so gooood, luv."

Spike was eyeing her hand that concealed the packets.

"Let me give you a taste, no strings attached," Dru said, slipping the packets into the front pocket of his jeans. "Those cost me quite a bit of money, luv, but you're worth it. Enjoy."

Dru wanted him back. She had been foolish when she left him before. She knew he'd be stubborn about it so she needed a hook, the drugs. He'd be calling her and begging her to come back to him before morning. Dru smiled wickedly and patted his pocket, then brushed her hand over his crotch.

"You can call me at the Hilton." She put her finger against his chest and pushed off. With a giggle and a switch of her narrow hips, Dru disappeared into the crowd.

Spike closed his eyes, praying for strength. Praying... yeah, that was good, considering how the Big Guy Upstairs probably felt about him after the 'Sister Buffy incident.' His fingers started digging into his pocket to take out the packets and throw them away, but he stopped.

_'I can't just throw them away... someone might find them and use them. I'd better hold onto them till I get home. Then I can throw them away safely...'_

In the back of his mind, he knew it was a lie.

Spike walked back to the stage, forcing an easy smile on his face.

"What did she want?" Xander asked suspiciously as Spike mounted the stage.

"She... wanted to get back together, I told her to go get stuffed," Spike said, adjusting his microphone.

"Good..." Xander said, he still couldn't help feeling nervous. Dru being back in town spelled badness.

* * *

After the last set, Spike had left for home in a hurry. The foil packages were burning a hole in his pocket. He was afraid the guys would see it -- they'd be so disappointed in him that he'd accepted the packets at all.

Spike went into his bedroom and sat down heavily on his bed. He put his face in his hands. God, he wanted to use it so bad. It was driving him mad; having it in his pocket, ready and waiting for him. He stood up quickly, intending to flush them down the toilet. He stopped.

"No, I shouldn't flush them. They might... contaminate the water or something..."

That sinister, self-destructive, addicted part of his mind prodded him: _'It wouldn't hurt to do just a little bit. Just to get a little high... I'm the only one who'd know. Then I can throw the rest away. Things have been so rough lately, so much pressure... don't I deserve to feel good just for a while?'_

Spike took the packets out and placed them on the bed next to him. He stared blankly at them for a few minutes, losing his willpower with each passing second. Suddenly, the painful, hellish withdrawals seemed a thousand years ago, becoming inconsequential -- his friends' guaranteed disappointment and anger didn't faze him either. All that mattered was getting one more fix. Then, he told himself, he'd be done with it forever. (Another lie)

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Spike stood and walked to his closet where he still kept his 'works' -- he hadn't been able to throw the stuff away after he'd quit. With trembling hands he set the box containing his paraphernalia on the bed and took out what he'd need.

Part of him was crying out for him to stop, not to do it. The dark, addicted part of him squashed and pushed down the voice of reason until it was only a frightened, pleading whisper.

A fat tear escaped his left eye and trailed down his cheek. He knew this was stupid, it was wrong... but God help him, he was weak. So bloody weak...


	4. Save Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magz

 

After Confession, Buffy went to do her volunteer work at the clinic.

Seeing Spike again had been a mistake, she wanted him more than ever. The damn dreams didn't help either... Seeing him in the flesh had almost been too much. Hopefully, he didn't notice the blush in her cheeks or the shakiness of her voice.

Even now, part of her wanted to run to him and let him have his wicked way with her; use her body for his own twisted pleasures (and hers, consequently). The image of him from her dream dominated her thoughts: Spike straddling her and cumming all over her face and chest. She had to grip the back of a chair and close her eyes from the powerful surge of lust it evoked.

"Buffy, we need your help in the exercise room," a nurse said from the doorway of the break room.

Buffy straightened up and shoved the evil, wicked, scandalous thoughts away for the moment.

"I'll... be right there," Buffy said, keeping her voice level.

She went back into 'Sister Buffy' mode and made her way to the exercise room. The thought occurred to her that perhaps... Spike had been put in her path, an obstacle to overcome, a test -- trying to deter her from her calling. Temptation did present itself in many ways. She'd heard somewhere that the Devil wouldn't be a hideous creature when he appeared to you. Instead, he'd be a beautiful man, with a smooth voice and a silver tongue... Spike fit that bill pretty well. She wondered, shamefully, what feats he could accomplish with that silver tongue...

* * *

Angel, Xander, and Oz stood outside Spike's apartment, waiting for him to answer the door.

Angel pounded on the door again. "Come on, Spike! We know you're in there. Your car is out front."

"Dru could be in there with him," Xander said. "Maybe we should just call him tomorrow."

"I wouldn't put it past Dru to try and go around us to get to him," Oz said.

"We're his friends, and Dru's trouble. Remember he said to kick his ass if he even considered getting back with her?" Angel asked.

"I know, but..." Xander stopped when Angel got out his key to Spike's place. "What are you doing?"

"I'm unlocking the door," Angel said, putting the key in the lock and turning it.

"Hey, man, if Dru is in there and they're... busy, Spike's going to be really pissed," Xander said nervously. "I don't want her near him any more than you guys, but... Man, he's going to be pissed..."

"Let him be pissed." Angel opened the door and stepped inside.

Oz shrugged then followed. Xander sighed. An angry Spike was not of the good. Xander would rather have waited until morning to check on Spike, but... He entered too.

"Spike?" Angel called. "You left in kind of a hurry... we're just making sure everything's okay." He continued through the rooms, looking for Spike. "You want to go have a few beers or something?"

Still no answer.

"I'm checking the bedroom," Angel said.

Xander raked his fingers through his thick, dark hair. "Man, he's going to be pissed..."

"Spike, I'm coming in the bedroom. So if you're doing any naked things in there, I suggest you cover up. Unless you want to scar us both for life..." Angel waited a moment then walked into the room.

"Oh God... NO!" Angel cried, seeing Spike lying on the bed. 

He rushed over and stared down at his friend in shock. Oz and Xander ran in and had similar reactions.

"What's wrong with him?!" Xander's chest hurt, he asked it even though he already knew the answer.

Spike's eyes were half-open and his muscles were twitching spasmodically. His breathing was shallow and labored. Sweat covered his body; his lips were bluish. The telltale rubber hose he used to tie-off his arm was still in place.

The three band mates saw the needle that had fallen to the floor and the equipment used to 'cook' the drug on his nightstand.

"I can't believe he's back on that shit!" Xander cried. "After what he went through last time! What we ALL went through last time! Spike, you stupid prick! Why did you do this again!?" Tears sprang up in his eyes.

Oz stood by with a stoic expression, with his hand on Xander's back. He felt a lot more panicked and frightened than he allowed to show on his face -- a whole lot more.

"Not now, man," Oz said quietly. "I think he OD'd..."

Angel bent down and took Spike by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Spike! Spike?!"

Not getting any kind of response, he sat on the bed and took Spike's face in his hands.

"Spike! Can you hear me?!" Angel used his thumbs to raise Spike's eyelids. The pupils were barely there; just pinpoints.

"Mummy?" Spike asked, his eyes rolling around unable to focus. "I don't feel good, Mummy... need hot chocolate... need hot choc-" Spike’s eyes rolled back, his eyelids fluttered. He suddenly cried out, whimpering and shaking, clutching weakly at his stomach, his teeth grinding together. "Agh! It f-fucking h-hurts!" He wept. "Please, Mummy! Please make it go away!"

Spike's eyes rolled again as he passed out from the pain of the spasms wracking his body and the potent drug racing through his bloodstream.

"Spike!" Angel took one is his wrists and felt for a pulse. "Shit! I can barely feel a pulse! We have to get him to the hospital, come on!"

Xander reached out to remove the hose from Spike's arm.

"No!" Angel sharply smacked his hand away. "Leave it, it might help to keep the shit from spreading through his system too fast."

Xander was shaking like a leaf but nodded, gulping loudly and absently cradling his stinging hand.

Angel hauled Spike off the bed and grabbed onto one of his arms to hold him up. Xander took Spike's other arm, together they supported their friend's limp body. Spike's skin felt cold and clammy to the touch... like he was already dead.

"Shit, man... is he going to die?" Xander asked with tears in his eyes, his voice caught in his throat.

"Not if we get him help." Angel sincerely hoped so, anyway.

They began quickly walking out of the apartment.

"But there's no hospital around here. Where will we take him?" Xander asked, numbness warred with terror for control of his body.

"Hey... I know a place," Oz said. "Willow's friend Buffy works at this clinic not too far from here, they're like a drug treatment center. We'll take him there."

Oz rushed ahead of them, getting his van keys ready.

* * *

"Help!" Angel yelled.

He was carrying Spike like a child in his arms, cradling him against his chest.

A nurse hurried out from behind the desk. "What happened?"

"We think he overdosed -- heroin -- please help him!" Angel said, trying to keep from panicking.

The ride here had been nerve-wracking and frightening. Spike had thrashed around in the back with Xander and Angel while Oz drove like a demon. He'd been hallucinating about snakes crawling all over and biting him, he'd screamed and begged for Angel and Xander to help him.

The nurse stared at Spike. "We-we're not equipped for emergencies. We're a rehab clinic. We can't --"

"He's going to die if you don't do something!" Xander pled with her. "The nearest hospital is too far away, please!"

The nurse looked indecisive, then said, "I'll get a doctor."

She ran off.

"It'll be okay, Spike," Angel said.

Spike started twitching and convulsing violently. Angel dropped to his knees to avoid dropping him. Oz and Xander knelt down, trying to hold Spike down so he wouldn't hurt himself.

"Help!" Xander yelled on the verge of tears again.

Spike kept shaking. The whites of his eyes were showing.

Buffy was alarmed by the call for help and went to see what was going on. She gasped when she saw the Dingoes kneeling on the floor by the front desk. She ran to them.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Buffy asked. Her hand covered her mouth when she saw the condition Spike was in.

"He fucking overdosed..." Xander sobbed wretchedly, holding down Spike's legs.

Spike's tremors got more violent. Buffy went to his head and lifted his head onto her lap. She took a tongue depressor out of her breast pocket and carefully put it in his mouth to prevent him from swallowing his tongue. Her heart broke for him. With her free hand she stroked his face while she whispered to him encouragingly.

Spike's darting eyes started slowing down, trying to focus, his shaking lessened. Then his eyes did rest on her, staring up into hers.

"You'll be fine." Buffy smiled, keeping the tears in her eyes from falling. "You'll be okay, Spike. We'll help you."

She continued slowly stroking his face and removed the tongue depressor. Oz, Xander and Angel watched with relief. Somehow Buffy had been able to calm him where they couldn't.

A male doctor and the nurse they'd talked to hurried over. Oz moved aside to give the doctor room. The doctor took one of Spike's wrists and felt for his pulse.

"Were all of you with him when he took the drug?" the doctor asked.

"No, we got there after he took it, we found him like this," Angel said. "We found some of what he took." Angel pulled one of the packages out. "Heroin... he injected it."

"Give it to Nurse Feldon," the doctor said, taking out his penlight and looking into Spike's eyes.

Angel didn't like the unbelieving look the doctor had shot him when he said they weren't with Spike when he shot up. Nevertheless, he bit back further denials, now wasn't the time for argument. He handed the heroin packet to the brunette nurse.

"Take that to the lab, Barbara." The nurse quickly went to deliver the packet to the lab. "How long has he been like this?" the doctor asked.

"Um... we don't know for sure... a half hour maybe," Angel replied.

Two orderlies came over with a stretcher. The doctor stood then gestured for them to pick Spike up.

"Get him in the exam room, I'll try to do something for him if it's not too late." The orderlies immediately set off for the exam room. "Your friend's very fortunate that we have the facilities to treat him. I'll have to inform the police, of course."

"Do whatever you have to -- just help him, please," Angel said.

The doctor nodded and hurried to the room Spike had been taken.

Buffy took Angel's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Doctor Mancini is very good. He's helped a lot of unfortunate souls."

"I... feel so helpless," Xander said, staring at the door that Spike had been wheeled through.

"You three have done so much already, he wouldn't even have a chance if you didn't bring him in. I know it doesn't seem like much, but try praying for him," Buffy said. "God listens. We'll let you know as soon as we're done."

The three men held back tears and nodded.

"Thanks, Buffy..." Xander said quietly.

Buffy smiled at them reassuringly and went to see if the doctor needed extra assistance.

She was terrified. She hadn't expected to see Spike again so soon -- and certainly not at death's door. To see this handsome, vibrant man in so much pain and so very ill made her, well, it made her ill too. Buffy wanted to do anything, promise anything, if only he'd get well again. The force of her protectiveness and affection for him had her reeling. She had to set that aside right now, she'd be of no help if she let her runaway emotions take control.

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity to Xander, Angel, and Oz, the doctor came out of the room. The three men stood, awaiting the news.

"We were able to stabilize your friend's condition," the doctor said.

They let out heavy sighs of relief and gripped each other's shoulders. Buffy came out and joined them, smiling.

"Doctor Mancini did a great job," Buffy said.

"He's got a long road ahead of him. Do you know how long he's been using?" Doctor Mancini asked them.

"He was on it for a while a few months ago, but he quit... I know he quit," Angel said.

"It was Dru, it had to be," Xander added. "She breezed back into town and must have given him some... that bitch."

"Yeah, Spike's ex came to the club tonight and talked to him alone. She could have given him the drugs then," Angel said. "So, if we're right, he was clean for four months -- until tonight."

"Did he go through rehab?" Doctor Mancini asked, writing down some notes on his notepad.

"Not officially, no. We helped him through the withdrawal at his apartment. He said he didn't need rehab after what he went through. He swore he'd never do it again." Angel sighed and shook his head sadly.

"He should have had counseling," the doctor commented. "Heroin addiction is one of the most difficult to overcome."

"What happens now?" Xander asked.

"We'll want to keep him here and put him through our drug rehabilitation and detoxification program. He'll have to agree to it, of course, we can't keep people against their will. If he agrees, he'll start a three-month program, utilizing a combination of counseling, exercise, time in a sauna, plenty of fluids to flush the residual toxins from his body, and nutritional supplements. We've had some extraordinary results with this program, the success rate is very encouraging."

"He doesn't have insurance," Oz said. "He could really use this... but no way can he afford it."

"I think we can take care of that." Buffy smiled. "The Sisters in the convent I belong to help out here a lot. We have an arrangement with the owners where we can send someone in need to them for free care. I'll sponsor him, if he chooses treatment."

"He'll have to agree to treatment," Doctor Mancini said. "If he wants to avoid jail."

"Don't worry, Spike will agree," Angel said confidently. "We'll make sure he does."

"Good. I'll need his personal information, name, age, medical history..."

"I can tell you what you need to know," Angel said, stepping forward. "I've known him a long time. Could we not call his dad? Giles would be... he'd really flip out."

"Since Mister... what's his name?"

"Spike. Well, it's William actually," Xander said. "William Giles, but he goes by Spike."

"Since Mr. Giles is an adult and isn't in grave condition, we can forego a call to next of kin," the doctor said to the band mates' relief.

"When can we see him?" Oz asked.

They all wanted to see him breathing for themselves, he had looked so close to death the last time they'd seen him.

Doctor Mancini said with an apologetic look, "Not right now. He's not conscious and should be out for some time. If and when he begins his rehab, you won't be able to see him for the first month. We limit our patients’ contact with outside influences for obvious reasons; they need to concentrate on themselves and their recoveries."

They nodded in understanding.

"Buffy, since you have a friendship with Mr. Giles, I'd like you to take a prominent role in his rehab," Dr. Mancini said.

"Friendship? Well, I don't know about that... we... met before..." She blushed, remembering that night for the umpteenth time.

"He totally responded to you," Xander commented. "You were able to calm him down. Please, Buffy? It would make me feel a lot better if he saw a familiar, friendly face while he's here..."

Angel and Oz nodded in agreement.

"I'll... do my best," Buffy said, anxious about spending day and night by Spike's side.


	5. Helping Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magz

 

 

Spike woke up slowly with a groan. He felt like he'd run a marathon, his body was sore and aching, and his head felt like it had been hit repeatedly with a hammer.

For a second, he thought he was dead. Buffy was standing next to him, looking at him with a happy smile. She was wearing her light-colored habit.

"Spike? How are you feeling?"

He licked his dry lips. "Am I dead?"

Buffy chuckled softly. "No. You're very much alive."

Buffy poured a glass of water and offered him a sip. Spike took a drink and lay heavily back down, even that small effort had exhausted him.

"What happened? I don't... I can't..." Spike's brows furrowed.

"You overdosed. Your friends brought here, to the clinic," Buffy said gently.

Spike looked away from her. His facial muscles were rippling, his eyes became wet.

"It's okay, Spike. You're going to get well."

"I... didn't think I injected that much. How could I have OD'd?"

"The drug was probably more pure than you were used to... it happens that way sometimes."

"I'm such a bloody failure..." Spike's voice cracked. "I fucked up so bad..." He looked quickly at her, his eyes bright blue. "Sorry, I didn't mean to... curse."

Buffy smiled. "I'm not that fragile. I can take a few swear words. And you're _not_ a failure. You have problems you need help with, that's all."

"I can't believe I did it... after everything that happened before, I still stuck that sodding needle in my arm. I put myself and my friends through that again... I don't know why. I let everyone down... for one last bloody fix."

"Your friends forgive you." Buffy took his hand. "They're just grateful you're going to live. The nature of addiction is uncontrollable impulse. Angel said you never went through proper rehab -- well, we're going to fix that."

"Don't take this the wrong way... but I wish you weren't here," Spike said.

Buffy blinked. She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. He didn't want her here?

"I mean... I don't want you to see me like this... and what's going to happen when I don't get another fix..." Spike explained further.

"Oh." She felt relief that he wasn't saying he didn't want her company. "I've been helping out here for a month now, I've seen others going through withdrawal. It won't be shocking or new to me. I want to be here for you, Spike... to help you through this. But if it would make you uncomfortable..."

"I'm... I feel so... weak... and so humiliated for being so bloody weak."

"Don't." Buffy caressed his hand. "You're human. Of course you're going to have weaknesses. The important thing is to recognize them and try to overcome them. The fact that you need help doesn't mean you're weak, you just need to lean on others to get stronger. That's what us humans do."

Spike smiled weakly at her. "You're... very kind. If you want to stay... it would be alright with me. It's just going to get... ugly."

"Spike, if you could stay here and go through the three month detox and rehab program, would you? I promise I'll do everything I can to help you. You can stay here for free, it's already been set up. You only have to sign on for it."

Spike took a deep breath. He was scared. Three months was a long, bloody time -- and it wouldn't be easy; but he couldn't argue that he needed something to keep him off the junk. He was lying in a hospital bed after almost fatally overdosing. He looked up into her big, green, hope-filled eyes. How could he deny her anything when she looked at him like this?

"I'll do it," Spike said.

* * *

The next few days were unpleasant in the extreme, as expected.

Spike had been relatively calm until nine hours after the almost fatal dose of heroin he'd taken. Then the withdrawal had begun to kick in and had gotten progressively worse over the course of a few days. He began sweating and breaking out in goose bumps all over his body, tears ran from his eyes, his temperature and respiratory rate were elevated. His pupils were wide and dilated. His muscles twitched and he experienced spasms.

The clinic's program did not include using drugs like Methadone. That would be exchanging one addiction for another, their goal was to get their patients drug-free. This would make the withdrawal more difficult.

Spike was very ill with flu-like symptoms. He would have killed for another fix just to end the torment and pain. He'd had to be strapped down at one point to keep from trying to leave. It had broken Buffy's heart to see him so desperate and sick.

Spike was given plenty of fluids (some of which he was able to hold down), vitamins, and he spent time in the clinic's sauna to rid his body of the poison. It did help to ease his symptoms slightly.

Buffy entered his room on the fifth morning of his stay. He was still sleeping. She walked quietly to his bedside and studied his face. Spike was looking a little better today, there was more color in his cheeks and the circles under his eyes weren't as dark. Buffy ran her fingers gently over his face, barely touching his skin. Even this sick, he was still beautiful; and he was trying so hard to fight the cravings he was having. He had so much more strength than he realized.

Buffy had dreamed about him again last night. In the dream he was fully recovered, looking fit and healthy. He'd smiled at her, put his arms around her, and then kissed her soundly. Her hands had gone to the sides of his face, gently caressing it while their kiss went on and on... and it had ended there, she had woken up.

It was so hard being around him. You had a really bad case of lust when you still wanted a man after seeing him puking his guts out. She had it bad. Apparently nothing could sway her feelings and attraction for him.

Buffy pulled her hand away when she noticed him waking.

Spike opened his eyes and smiled slightly.

"Good morning," Buffy said.

Spike mumbled, "Good morning, yeah..."

"How are you feeling?"

"Shitty." He gave her a weak smile.

"You'll feel better once you get some food in you. The nurse will be bringing your breakfast soon."

Spike raised the bed and sat up. "Maybe I'll be able to keep it down this time."

"You look better. I think you're coming along," Buffy said encouragingly.

"I guess I am feeling a little better..." Spike said.

"That's great!" Buffy beamed at him, he grinned back. "Right after you eat, I'll walk with you to the sauna."

"Fun, fun, fun," Spike said sarcastically. "I get to sweat my brains out for another hour."

"Oh, it's not that bad." Buffy smiled. "It helps to get the bad stuff out. After that you can have... your shower and then it's back to your room for some rest."

"I'm... feelin' nervous," Spike admitted shyly, "about my mates comin' to visit today."

"They really wanted to see you and make sure you're doing well," Buffy said. "Doctor Mancini said it would be alright for them to visit for a short time today. They're just worried about you."

"What if they're pissed? They have a right to be -- I just don't think I can handle it... not now."

"Spike, they know you're having a tough time. They won't attack you, they love you." At his manly grimace, Buffy laughed. "It's true. In the manliest, most platonic of ways, of course."

"You've... you've been great, Buffy," Spike said bashfully, picking at the top of his blanket. "I couldn't have done this well without you."

Buffy blushed. "I'm happy to help. Don't sell yourself short, though. You're the one doing all the work."

Spike looked into her eyes and took one of her hands in his, Buffy's knees weakened a bit, and her heartbeat sped up. "I'm serious. I couldn't have gotten through the last few days without you. Thank you for sticking with me and taking care of me."

Buffy could feel his hands shaking slightly.

"You... are most welcome," Buffy said in as steady a voice as she could manage.

They held each other's eyes -- neither wanted to look away. Buffy was falling deeper and deeper into those blue eyes, when the nurse came in with Spike's breakfast. The two separated, looking away guiltily.

* * *

Spike was laying on the wooden bench in the sauna. He'd been in it for forty-five minutes. He really hated sweating for no good reason. He preferred it be because of either working out, performing on stage, or a good shag. Not just sitting in a steam-filled room doing nothing.

This stuff did seem to be helping ease the withdrawal symptoms this time though. Spike was still having a rough time, he felt nauseous a lot; he had spasms and bad cravings for more of the shit that had put him in here, but he was managing. A lot of it was due to Buffy. Buffy's presence was a balm to him. Spike had been afraid of what she'd think of him after seeing him out of his mind and physically ill as he had been for almost a week. She never wavered though, she stayed by his side and helped him through it.

Spike hated himself for a variety of reasons, the biggest one being that he was falling in love with her -- real fast. It was crazy, it was stupid... but it was happening. It had started that night at the party, the lust, and electricity between them was an amazing thing. Then there'd been his naughty dreams about her giving herself to him. Now, she was his angel, his savior. Buffy's kindness and warmth soothed him like nothing else. Spike wanted to hold her, to touch her, to...

Spike growled. He had to stop thinking like that! It was never going to happen, it was a lost cause. She was a nun, devoted to the church. There was no way in Heaven or Hell that she felt the same way about him, or ever would. The only reason she'd touched him at the party was because she'd had too much alcohol. He had to put those thoughts aside -- now!

_'Don't think about her like that anymore. Just think of her as 'Sister Buffy'._

The door to the sauna opened. Spike craned his neck, expecting to see Buffy coming back to retrieve him, but it was another woman.

"Hi," she said.

"H-hi," Spike said.

The woman walked over to the bench adjacent to his and sat down. Her blonde hair was pinned up, a big, white towel (like the one he wore around his waist) was secured around her.

"I'm Harmony," she said.

"Spike." He sat up on the bench and shook her hand lightly.

Harmony smiled. "Spike, eh? That's cute. What are you in for, Spike?"

"Bad, nasty stuff... Heroin..."

"Yikes! That _is_ bad. My dad made me come here -- I have a little, teensy coke problem. He totally overreacted," Harmony said, rolling her eyes. "I'm going nuts in here."

"Yeah, I hear ya. The staff are good though... nice, friendly folks."

Harmony squinted at him. "I know you, don't I? I've seen you before..."

"I don't think so... I'm in a band, you might know me from that."

Her eyes widened. "You're a singer, right?! You sing with the... the Dingoes! That's it! I love you guys!"

Spike laughed. "Yeah, that's my band... or it was... don't know if they'll still have me after this."

"I'm sure they will," she said supportively. "You're terrific."

Spike blushed a little. "Thanks, pet."

"How are your withdrawals?" Harmony asked curiously.

Spike shrugged, not keen on sharing the details of his week of Hell with a stranger -- even if she was a very hot-looking, complimentary stranger.

Harmony suddenly took her towel off and stretched out on the bench. Spike's eyes widened. She sighed and stretched her arms over her head.

"You don't mind me getting naked, do you?"

"N-no, however you're... comfortable." Spike looked away. She had a great body; all firm and fleshy in all the right places.

"You know what's good for the temporary relief of withdrawal symptoms?" Harmony asked.

Spike shook his head 'no.'

"Sex," Harmony stated bluntly.

In addition to her 'little, teensy coke problem,' Harmony had a little, teensy sex addiction too. A few days without sex, was a few days too many as far as she was concerned. God must truly have been smiling down on her to provide her with the hunky, bleached blond singer as a sauna partner.

Spike's eyes got even bigger.

"Yep, sex works really good." Harmony sat up, her eyes roamed over his muscular torso.

"Well, that's... interesting. Didn't know that," Spike said lamely.

"You want to help each other out?" she asked.

"What? You mean... right here? Right now?" Spike asked incredulously.

"Why not? We're two people who need some comfort, some relief. Wouldn't you like to feel good, even for a little while?" she asked in a purr.

"It... wouldn't be a good idea," Spike said nervously, his libido was reacting to her body and words.

Harmony grinned and stood up then walked over to him. She ran a hand through his hair. He stared up at her in disbelief. She climbed up on the bench to straddle him, her knees on either side of his thighs.

"Come on, Spikey. Don't you want me?"

Spike swallowed hard. His mind was racing. _'Why not!? You have to get Buffy out of your fantasies anyway. Shag her! Shag her rotten, mate!'_

Harmony felt his indecision and decided to help him make up his mind. She swooped down and mashed her lips against his while rubbing herself against the bulge in his towel. Spike moaned and wrapped his arms around her.

Much to his dismay and frustration, images of the pretty blonde nun kept popping up in his head. It felt like he was cheating on her -- how crazy was that shit!? If only it could be her here on top of him, kissing him with such urgency.

Harmony reached between them and pulled his towel open. She stroked his semi-hard cock.

"Oh, Spikey, you're so biiiig!" Harmony mewled with delight

Spike groaned and sucked at her neck.

Buffy walked into the sauna, the smile she'd had quickly turned into a look of horror. Not knowing what else to do, she silently slid back out of the room and closed the door. She leaned against the wall, fighting back tears. It hurt -- it hurt like a dagger to the heart. She was jealous -- horribly, burningly, insanely, unreasonably jealous. That shocked her almost as much as finding Spike with that blonde woman had.

_'I have to stop them! Make them stop! Make that bitch get off of him!'_ her dazed mind shouted.

Without a coherent plan, Buffy stormed back into the sauna, acting like she hadn't known what they were doing.

"Time's up, Sp- OH MY!" Buffy said innocently, her hand flying up to cover her eyes.

Harmony jumped off Spike, they both fixed their towels and looked guilty, especially Spike.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know..." Buffy lied. She wasn't sorry at all for stopping them.

_'I'm lying now too? What's wrong with me!?'_

"Buffy, I... we got a little carried away..." Spike said, feeling like he was explaining to a girlfriend why she'd caught with another woman.

"That's _not_ allowed here," Buffy said calmly. "It's against the rules for patients to... co-mingle in that way. It's time to get out, Spike. I'll wait outside."

Buffy went to wait outside, trying to catch her breath.

"God-Fucking-Dammit!" Harmony pouted. "Sister Goody-Two-Shoes just had to show up..."

Spike stood up. "That wasn't a good idea anyway..." Spike said, raking a hand through his damp hair.

"What room are you in? I'll see if I can get away later," Harmony said, touching his chest.

"Uh, 3C... but --"

"I'll be there later if I can get away." Harmony kissed him.

Spike nodded jerkily and walked out.

Buffy was trying to reign in her jealousy and temper. She shouldn't be feeling this way! She forced a smile onto her face.

"I'm really sorry about that..." Spike said.

"Don't worry about it. Just don't do that again -- while you're staying here, I mean. Why don't you go take your shower now, I'll wait."

Spike nodded and went to the shower room.

Buffy looked at the door to the sauna with narrowed, resentful eyes.

* * *

_Later that night…_

 

Spike was in bed and feeling mighty restless. The cravings were getting pretty bad, and he wondered if Harmony would show up. The reunion with his band mates had gone well. Things were awkward, but they joked around in between bouts of 'I love ya, man.' They had assured him that he'd still have a place in the band when he got out. That had been a load off of his mind. He owed them a lot, including his life. He didn't care how bad things in the future got, he would never touch drugs again. This time he meant it.

Harmony's image, naked and laid out on the wooden bench in the sauna, reappeared in his mind. Would she sneak in tonight?

It wasn't a good idea, him having sex with a random woman while trying to get his shit back together. It'd be best is she didn't...

Just then, Harmony slipped into the room and leaned back against the door.

"I made it!" She giggled.

Spike sat up and gulped.

She came over to the bed and climbed in on top of him. She made short work of her nightgown, pulling it off over her head. Harmony dropped down and claimed his lips, she stroked his chest with one hand while the other went down and into his black sweat pants.

Spike couldn't protest, it felt too good, and he needed to get Buffy off his mind. Maybe having sex with another woman would quell his lusty thoughts for the nun. He pulled her against him, kissing her with all the passion he had stored up (for Buffy).

Once again, her timing perfect, Buffy walked in the room. She gasped in shock.

Spike and Harmony heard her and stopped their feverish makeout session.

"Stop that!" Buffy said angrily. "Get off him right now!"

Buffy's angry and hostile tone had Harmony scrambling off Spike and putting her nightgown back on quickly. Spike pulled the sheet up over his body to hide his erection.

"If you two can't control yourselves, you'll be kicked out," Buffy said. "There is absolutely NO hanky-panky when you're a patient here!" She whirled on Harmony. "You stay in your room from now on, if I ever find out you that snuck out again, I'll report you."

Harmony looked like she wanted to argue, but merely nodded. With a last glance at Spike, Harmony speedily left the room.

Spike was burning with guilt and embarrassment. He'd really pissed Buffy off.

"I'm sorry."

"How can you want to--to do that? You don't know her for one thing. And you're still going through the early stages of recovery. How can you be up to that?" Buffy's face flamed.

"Uh... um, Harmony said something. She said that... the release that sex provides... helps you feel better for a little while, at least."

"Well... it wouldn't be prudent. You have enough to deal with right now, without starting a new relationship," Buffy said, trying to hide how sickeningly covetous she felt.

Buffy sat down in the chair near his bed.

"What are you doing?" Spike asked.

"I'm staying right here. Like I do every night. Why?"

"I'd... prefer it if you didn't stay tonight," Spike said.

Buffy's heart clenched. "You're mad, aren't you? I'm sorry I was tough on you, Spike. It's just --"

"No, I'm not pissed or anything... I just need some... alone-time."

There was still a demanding erection in his pants. He needed to take care of it. Buffy's eyes automatically went to the sheet covering his lower half. Her sex tingled at the bulge she saw there. She tore her eyes away.

Buffy stood up. "I'll wait outside, okay? I'd like to stay with you tonight, in case you need me." She also wanted to make sure Harmony didn't try coming back.

Spike thought about it then said, "Okay, that would be alright."

Buffy went outside and stood by the door. She tried to look nonchalant as she put an ear near the door, she wanted to hear him if he moaned.

After a few minutes of silence, she heard him call her in. Buffy went back in the room. Spike's back was turned to her, he was lying on his side.

"Um... everything... go alright?" She bit her lip.

"Fine," Spike said tightly.

"You don't sound fine." Buffy went to the bed, she wanted to touch him so badly. "What's wrong?"

"I can't tell you."

"Yes, you can. You can tell me anything, Spike."

He sighed. "I can't do it. My bloody hands are shaking... I feel too weak, I can't concentrate... you name it. It's a sad state of affairs when a bloke can't even... relieve his tensions." Spike held up one shaking hand to illustrate his point.

Buffy's lust-addled brain took over her mouth. "I'll do it for you."

Spike stopped breathing for a second. Slowly, he swiveled his head to look at her. "Wh-what?"

She breathed in. "I'll do it for you. I'll... relieve your tension."

"But... I-I couldn't ask you to..."

"You're not asking me. I'm volunteering. We'll just... keep it between us. I don't think other people would understand."

Buffy herself, didn't even understand. What was she doing this for!? This was crazy!

Spike turned over onto his back, still looking at her in surprise. His cock hardened ten-fold at the thoughts of her hot, delicate hand stroking him again. He felt dirty, he felt guilty, he felt... so bloody turned-on. He couldn't say no, he wanted her to touch him, even if it was only a 'helpful' gesture.

"Okay..." Spike breathed.

He pushed the sheet down then slowly eased his sweat pants down to his mid-thighs. Buffy's eyes fixed on his throbbing manhood. It was so big and beautiful -- the memory of licking up his tasty spendings hit her hard. Her breathing became more labored.

"Just... relax," Buffy said, for his and her own benefit. She moved in.

Spike shut his eyes tightly. This had to be a dream. This couldn't be happening... He sighed softly when he felt her fingers closing around him.

Buffy tentatively began moving her hands up and down his thick cock; watching and feeling it grow longer and thicker in her hands. Her inexperience showed again when she gripped him a little too hard.

"Uhh -- Buffy-pet, more gently. You don't have to hold it so tight," Spike groaned.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I-I never did this before. Except... that other time at the party..." Buffy said, her fingers loosened but kept gliding up and down.

Spike groaned more loudly -- she was a virgin, she had to be. His dream came back to him where she had begged him to take her virginity. Why was she doing this for him? It had to be horrible and uncomfortable for her. She was such a loving, giving soul...

Buffy's strokes stayed gentle but firm, she was getting the hang of it. Her tongue swept over her lips at the sight of his pre-cum leaking from the slit. She felt like she was lost in another dream. Spike was so sexy, so beautiful, his cock was so big and hard. Buffy looked at his balls and wondered if he'd like her to touch him there. Maybe it would help to speed his release. (She wanted him to feel better -- she also wanted to see it and get his hot jizz on her again.) Her clit was pulsing in time with her strokes on his cock. She took her right hand and cradled his heavy balls in her palm.

"Do you like that?" she asked.

"Ahhhh - Oh yes - That feels so good, luv!" Spike gasped. "Uhhhh! Faster!" He thrust lightly into her hand.

He was getting closer, Buffy could both see and feel it. Her heart beat wildly with excitement as her hand flew up and down his dick. She fondled his balls more roughly.

"B-Buffy -- Unnnhhh -- Going -- to cum!" Spike wanted to warn her of his impending explosion so that she could get a towel or tissues. Instead she kept right on pumping him, her strokes became more frenzied.

Spike's hips bucked off the bed, a low, strangled cry announced his climax, "Buffy!"

His thick spunk began squirting out. Buffy put both hands back on his spurting cock, milking him and fighting the urge to let her mouth join her hands. She was virtually drooling. His cum dripped down her fingers, she had to clench her inner-muscles at the terrible ache she felt.

His cock shot load after load, the white, ropy strands covered her hands. Spike moaned and panted, jerking his hips until the last of his considerable load was released. He sank into the bed.

Buffy gently laid his softening penis against his left thigh. "I'll get cleaned up, then I'll clean you. Okay?"

Spike's eyes were half-opened and glassy. "Okay..." he said sleepily, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

Buffy hurried into the bathroom and shut the door. For appearance's sake, she turned on the sink with her elbow, not wanting to touch the sink and waste the cum coating her hands. After the water was turned on, Buffy leaned against the wall and stuck the fingers of her left hand in her mouth, a low moan rose up in her throat. She sucked the warm cum off her fingers, her tongue scooped the wads off her skin.

She slid down the wall to her knees and worked her other cum-covered hand under her skirt. With more of his cum on her fingers, she slipped her hand inside her underwear and rubbed herself. Buffy moaned and gasped. He tasted so good -- and it felt heavenly to rub his hot cream on her clit. Her fingers frigging her clit and her licking sped up.

With a shuddering, stifled cry, she came hard. Buffy moaned and continued rubbing her nubbin. She came back down slowly. Buffy stood shakily and went to the sink. She made sure she'd licked all of his cum off her hands before washing them.

Shame, hot and painful, wracked her mind. She had to be the worst person on the face of the Earth; using the excuse of helping Spike, when in the back of her mind, she wanted the pleasure of touching him and devouring his cum. Things were getting worse instead of better. She wanted him -- his body, his cum -- she wanted to be in his presence... She had to get herself under control!

After she cleaned up, Buffy took a wet washcloth and re-entered his room. Spike was sleeping soundly in the same position she'd left him. She admired him for a moment. It was nice to see his face relaxed and peaceful after what he'd been through the last week.

Gently, she took his spent cock in her hands and wiped it clean with the cloth. She wanted to use her tongue, but she couldn't do that... what if he caught her?

Before she tucked him away, she looked at his face to make sure he was still asleep, then placed a quick, small, wet kiss to the head of his cock; storing the feeling and taste of him in her mind for later... use. She immediately hated herself even more for it.


	6. Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magz

 

Over the next few weeks, Buffy and Spike felt a little more awkward around each other. Their feelings for each other were becoming stronger by the day. Against her common sense and conscience, Buffy made a nightly ritual of jerking him off until he came in her hands. They never talked about it, but at 11 o'clock sharp every night, Buffy would get up and walk to his bedside, Spike would push his pants down, and Buffy would get to work. Then afterwards, she would say that she was going to get cleaned up then come back. She'd go into the bathroom and masturbate furiously while sucking on her cum-coated fingers.

Buffy had woken up with a gasp at a dream she'd had for three nights in a row: She was stroking Spike's rock-hard, gorgeous prick when suddenly it wasn't enough for her anymore. She needed more. Buffy then climbed up onto the bed with him and hoisted her skirt to her waist. Spike would ask her what she was doing, and she'd reply that she needed him to fuck her -- to feel his fat cock inside of her. Then she'd sunk down on him. That's when she woke up every time, shaking with anxiety, guilt, and need.

Buffy had to do something, she was going to do what her dream-self had done if she didn't put distance between them... but Spike needed her right now. He was in pain and fighting against the horrible addiction that had almost killed him. If she could just hang in there, and keep her hormones and animal-like lust in check until he was well enough, then she could walk away... and never see him again.

A tiny, less than encouraging voice whispered in the back of her mind, _'You'll NEVER last...'_

* * *

It was 11 o'clock again.

Buffy and Spike looked at each other and nodded in silent understanding. She approached his bed, and he brought out his cock. She began stroking him, he closed his eyes and moaned in pleasure. Buffy enjoyed this almost as much as he did. Her strokes built up, becoming faster and harder. Spike's hips began bouncing, his neck arching.

Without thinking about it, going completely on a shameless, wanton, dark impulse, Buffy quickly lowered her mouth over his cockhead, sucking and moaning noisily as her hands pumped him up into her mouth.

Spike's head snapped up at the feel of her hot mouth on his cock. He stared in shock with his mouth open. Buffy sucked harder. His body suddenly bowed off the bed and went rigid.

"Buffy! Ohh -- Ohh God!" Spike groaned and burst into her mouth.

Buffy moaned when the first jet hit her tongue, she sucked and pumped him more vigorously. This is what she'd wanted to do all along. He kept cumming and cumming, flowing into her mouth and down her throat. She swallowed it greedily, some of it trickled from the corners of her mouth. She pumped and then pumped some more until no more spunk would come out.

With her eyes closed, she slowly bobbed her head, capturing what had dripped down his cock with her lips and tongue. Her tongue swept all around, making sure she got every drop. She slowly opened her eyes, he was looking at her with amazement and lust, still panting for breath.

Panic descended on her. What had she done?! She'd lost total control!

Buffy quickly removed her mouth and stood up straight. She absently licked the corners of her mouth, bringing the cum that had escaped her mouth back in. She swallowed with a loud gulp.

"Buffy?" Spike said slowly. "Wh-why did you... do that?"

"Uh... I-I..." Buffy struggled not to panic. "I heard that... that increases the.... the, um, pleasure for the man. I just wanted to make you feel better... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken... liberties."

"No, I liked it... a lot. Did..." He swallowed hard. "Did you like it?"

"No!" she said too quickly. "I only did it for you. If... it's okay with you, I have some other duties to attend to." Buffy moved towards the door.

Spike didn't respond, he only looked at her with those soulful eyes of his. Buffy left the room in a hurry.

Spike was completely, utterly in shock. He never expected her to put her mouth -- her beautiful, sexy, hot, wet mouth -- on him. Could she want him too? No, he told himself, that was just wishful thinking... Buffy is just so generous and giving that she did something that she thought would make him feel good.

She swallowed his cum though, she didn't have to do that... and he hadn't imagined the moans of desire she'd made... He'd heard them with his ears and felt them vibrating around his cock.

If there was even a chance that she wanted him, he had to know.

They really needed to talk.

* * *

Buffy had fled to the break room. Thankfully, she found it empty. She sat down and put her face in her hands; hands that still smelled of him and were warm from pumping his hot, pulsing member.

"What's wrong with me?" Buffy sobbed. "Why am I doing these things to him? Why do I want to do it again!?

She had to end things with him. As much as she wanted to help see him completely through his drug counseling and recovery, she couldn't handle her intense attraction to him anymore and still stay true to her calling. Tonight she was drinking his cum straight from the tap, tomorrow she could get the impulse to impale herself on his cock...

It had to stop now.

* * *

The next morning, Buffy walked into Spike's room. He immediately came awake, sleep had been difficult to come by after what had happened between them. He sat up and looked at her expectantly.

"Hi," Spike said quietly.

"Hi." Buffy looked down and pretended to adjust her shirtsleeve.

"Buffy, we need to talk... about what happened." His heart was pounding.

"Yes, I-I wanted... I need to talk to you too." She commanded herself to be strong.

"You want to go first?" Spike asked nervously.

Taking a deep, courage-enhancing breath, she began, "I can't see you anymore. I made a terrible mistake -- touching you the way that I have been. And last night... I was completely out of line. I'm sorry I failed you."

Spike's brows knit, his face showed a myriad of emotions. "Buffy... you've meant so much to me... all the support and help you've given me. You didn't fail me, your being here has given me the strength to get through this. Please don't stop coming around because of what happened..."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Spike. It's for the best... I can't... I just can't."

Spike got out of bed. "I know this is... I shouldn't..." He ran a hand through his hair then looked at her, his eyes full of emotion. "I'm... falling in love with you."

"Oh God..." Buffy turned away from him, her hands over her face. "Don't say that!"

"It's true. It's the way I feel..." Spike put his hands lightly on her arms. His voice was rough and desperate, "I know I shouldn't, but I love you... I want to be with you."

He pressed against her back, nuzzling her neck.

"Please don't..." Buffy whispered. She trembled from the feel of his hot breath on her neck and his hands gripping her upper arms.

"I need you, Buffy!" Spike said passionately. "Tell me you feel the same way..." He touched his lips to the side of her neck.

She whimpered. His lips burned her throat like he was branding her with a hot iron.

"Stop it -- don't!" Buffy panicked, pushing him away. "I don't want you!" she lied. "I-I only did what I did because... I wasn't thinking!"

"Tell the truth. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't feel anything for me." Spike stepped into her personal space, his face inches from hers.

Buffy knew she couldn't do it, she couldn't say that without revealing everything with only her eyes. "I do have feelings for you... just not the kind you want them to be." She backed away from him, quickly looking away.

Spike pursued her. "I'm in love with you. I know we could --"

"No!" Buffy said firmly. "You don't love me. You just think you do because... because I touched you like that. And I helped you when you were going through a hard time. It's the... the Florence Nightingale Syndrome."

"I know the difference between lust, gratitude, and love, Buffy." His voice was low and husky, he stalked her like she was his prey; closing in on her.

Buffy backed against the door, feeling helpless under his predatory gaze. He pressed his hands against the door on either side of her head.

"This, what I feel for you, it's love. Not just because you touched me. I love your kindness, your wit, the way you look and sound when you laugh... your beauty. Please, Buffy... give us a chance?"

Spike leaned in slowly and pressed his lips against hers. For a few moments, Buffy was powerless against the tidal wave of emotion crashing down on her. The kiss quickly grew heated. Then Buffy remembered that it was wrong -- she pushed him away.

"No, Spike! Please just leave me alone!" Buffy cried then threw open the door, running out into the hallway.

"Buffy! Don't go! Come back!" Spike called from the doorway.

A few patients in the hall furrowed their brows and frowned at him, wondering what he'd done to upset the nice, young nun.

"Bugger..." Spike muttered pitifully, stepping back into his room.

* * *

Spike knew he'd fucked everything up by telling her how he felt about her. He knew he shouldn't have, but he just couldn't hold back any longer. Now he was paying the price.

Buffy hadn't come to see him or check on him in three days. Another employee escorted him to his daily sauna, exercise, and counseling sessions. At night he was alone. He missed her terribly. If only he could see her... he wouldn't even pressure her about anything. He missed the strength she gave him, the way she held his hand when he was experiencing especially bad withdrawal pangs, the way she smiled at him, the hand jobs had been great too -- but those weren't what he missed the most. Her presence was.

He'd really done it this time. He'd totally freaked her out with his stupid need to express his feelings for her verbally. He should've known better than to reveal it to her. Even though she'd been wearing her habit at the time, he'd forgotten the teensy-tiny little fact that she was a nun -- that's not what he saw when he looked at her. He saw a beautiful, vivacious, kind, young woman... with whom he was in love.

 

Spike was walking back to his room after his counseling session and spotted Nurse Feldon in the hall.

"Nurse, can I talk to you for a second?" Spike asked.

She looked a little harried but smiled. "What is it, Spike?"

"I... haven't seen Sister Buffy for a few days. Do you know if she's okay? Nothing's wrong, I hope..."

"Oh, Sister Buffy isn't going to be coming in anymore. The convent is sending her somewhere else to volunteer. It's really a shame, she was a big help around here." Nurse Feldon sighed. "We're really going to miss her. I have to get going, Spike. Call me if there's anything you need." She hurried off, missing the downtrodden look on his face.

Spike walked back to his room on autopilot. He sat on the bed and stared at the floor.

Buffy had quit to avoid seeing him. It tore his heart out and crushed his spirit at once. Not only had he driven the person who had taken such good care of him away, he'd also deprived the clinic of her talents. Who knew how many other broken human beings, like him, she could've helped. All because of him and his foolishness...

* * *

A week later, Buffy came back to the clinic. She said the reason was to pick up some things she'd left behind, but the real reason was Spike.

She didn't think she could have that talk with him again, but she still wanted to make sure his recovery was going well. It wouldn't hurt to ask one of the doctors or nurses about him. They knew she put a lot of time and energy into him (thank God they didn't know HOW much!).

Doctor Mancini came in the break room as Buffy collected a few things she'd left.

"Buffy, it's good to see you again. We're really missing you around here. You sure you can't come back?" he asked.

"No, not right now... but maybe in the future," Buffy replied. "Um, how is Spike doing?"

"Ah, yes, Mr. Giles..." Doctor Mancini made a face.

"What?" Buffy asked with concern. "Did something happen to him?" A fist of fear gripped her heart.

"He checked himself out," he said flatly. "I gave him the speech and talked till I was blue in the face, but he insisted on leaving. As you know, we can't keep people against their will."

"He... he left treatment!? How could he just give up like that?" Buffy felt sick with worry. It was because of her -- she'd abandoned him and he lost the will to fight. She'd never forgive herself for failing him... "When did he check out?"

"Two days ago. He promised to keep up the therapy... but you know how that usually goes."

"It... was nice seeing you again, doctor. I have to go." Buffy practically ran out of the room.

She stopped at a payphone and called Willow.

As soon as Willow picked up, Buffy began to talk, "Willow, Spike checked out of the clinic!"

"Hi, Buffy. Yeah, I know," Willow sighed. "The guys are really worried he's going to have a relapse."

"Do you know where he is?"

"He's probably at home... Why?"

"I need to talk to Spike. Maybe I can convince him to go back for the full three months. What's his address?"

"He lives at 13 Oak Drive, Apartment 13b. I don't think you'll have any luck, the guys already tried... but you're welcomed to try."

"Thanks, Willow. I hope I can talk some sense into him. Bye." Buffy hung up and set off for Spike's apartment.

* * *

Spike was working on a new song on his guitar; something about pain and heartache.

There was a frantic knocking at his door.

He frowned and called from the couch, "It's open."

Buffy walked in, looking worried and pale. 

He put his guitar aside. "Buffy... what are you doing here?" Spike asked in surprise.

"I heard you left the program. Why, Spike? You were doing so well. Why would you leave?"

"I didn't need it anymore. I'm fine."

"Spike, that's what you thought last time, and you went back to the drug. You need --"

He stood up. "I said, I'm fine."

"Did you leave because of me? Because I left... like that?"

Spike sneered, trying to put on a tough guy act. "Yeah, right. Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart. I left for my own reasons."

Buffy frowned, he'd never talked to her like this before -- all sarcastic and cold.

"I was worried about you," she said softly, her eyes darting away from his.

"Well, no need to worry. As you can see, I'm good as gold. Want to check me for fresh track marks?" Spike walked over to her and held out his arms for inspection.

"No..." She turned her head away. "I believe you."

"Why don't you just get out? I don't need you checking up on me," Spike said roughly. "What, you thought I'd go right back to the needle without the wonderful, Sister Buffy hovering over my shoulder? I can take care of myself."

"Spike..." Buffy said with tears in her eyes, "I know I failed you... I'm so sorry. I was wrong not telling you I was leaving. I just thought it was best after --"

"What do you care anyway?!" he said, his voice on the verge of breaking. "I'm just some low-life scum who fell down in your path. You don't owe me anything! Just go -- leave me alone."

Spike stormed out of the room.

"Don't say things like that... you're not --" She stopped when he disappeared through a doorway.

Buffy stood there, trying to get a handle on her emotions. She'd hurt him by leaving the clinic so abruptly. His face and voice were so full of pain. She'd set back, or ruined, his recovery because she couldn't control herself around him. Buffy felt like the most miserable excuse for a human being ever created.

Quietly, she went to the doorway where she'd seen him go. He was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

"Spike?" Buffy walked over to him and knelt down on the floor by the bed. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you..."

He shook his head. "No," Spike said softly. "Don't apologize... I'm the one who's sorry. I'm sorry, first off, for acting like a wanker a minute ago..." He smiled weakly down at her, his eyes watery. "I didn't mean to get so pissy with you, luv."

"It's okay..." Buffy said soothingly.

"And... the thing I'm most sorry for, I'm sorry for what I said and did that morning. I... had no right to put you in that position. To say and do the things I did... I made it impossible for you to be comfortable... I drove you away. Please forgive me."

"Spike... there's nothing to forgive. I should have been strong enough to... work things out like adults, not run off like I did. I'm sorry."

Spike chuckled. "So, we've established that we're both very, very sorry. That's good."

Buffy laughed too. She got to her feet, then sat down -- at a safe distance from him -- on the end of the bed.

They were quiet for some time.

"I'll be alright, Buffy. I'm going to the therapist and working hard at getting well. You really don't have to worry about me anymore," Spike said.

"I'm glad to hear that. But I'll still worry. I'd feel better if you went back to the clinic..."

"No, I'd rather do it my way. I'm not givin' up, okay?"

Buffy saw that there was no changing his mind. "What ever happened to that woman... Dru, who gave you the drugs?" Buffy asked.

"The guys told me they got her busted. Xander did, to be exact. He phoned in an anonymous tip to the cops, sayin' she had tons of drugs in her hotel room. The cops busted her with quite a bit of the stuff... I didn't want anything to happen to her though... I was right pissed when he first told me. I loved her once, ya know?"

Buffy nodded and looked down.

"What happened to me was my fault, not Dru's. Yeah, she gave me the shit, but she didn't put a gun to my head. But Xander, Oz, and Angel... they were affected pretty bad by the whole thing too... findin' me like they did..." Spike shook his head to dispel the memory. It sickened him that he'd done that to his friends.

"They're good friends," Buffy said.

"Yeah, they are..." Spike trailed off. "So, you still a nun?" he asked with a smile.

She laughed. "Yes. Still a nun. I'm taking my final vows next month on the fifth."

"Oh... that's nice," Spike said, sadness passing over his face.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Spike? I could go with you to your therapy sessions?"

Buffy wanted to attempt to make up for abandoning him like she did, although she still didn't think she could be around him without wanting him.

"Nah... I'm going to a session tomorrow afternoon. Angel's going with me." He couldn't tell her what she could really do for him. He had to bite his tongue to ask her to stay with him -- to let him hold her and love her.

Spike fretted a moment before coming out and asking what he knew he shouldn't. "Buffy... I still feel the same way about you," he said without looking at her. "I know nothing can happen between us... It kills me, but I know it."

Buffy closed her eyes. She wanted to cast all her reservations to the wind and jump into the warm circle of his arms... but she couldn't. She couldn't easily dispose of her goal of becoming a nun, it was all she could remember ever wanting to be. What would she do if she didn't have that anymore? It frightened her greatly to not know what to do with her life. Plus she'd be letting the Sisters down so badly if she left the convent, they were like her surrogate mothers and sisters, her family. What would they say if she quit because she wasn't strong enough to resist temptations of the flesh? They'd be horribly disappointed in her...

"Spike, I'm sorry that I can't... return your feelings," Buffy said, clinging to the lie that she didn't want him too. "You'll find someone..."

"I don't want anyone else," Spike said, turning his head and gazing at her. Then he closed his eyes, chastising himself for letting that slip out. He didn't want to upset her with that kind of talk again. "I'm sorry... I have a habit of speaking before thinking first. The old 'foot-in-mouth syndrome'..."

"If you really need to talk," Buffy breezed past his words, trying to ignore how the intensity of his voice and eyes made her quiver inside, "please feel free to call me. But other than that... we shouldn't see each other socially. It... it would be too difficult for you."

Spike's heart ached, but he knew it was for the best. If he was around her, he'd end up saying something stupid again. "Right."

Buffy stood up. "I'm glad you're doing well, Spike. But I have to go, I have some duties at the convent." She needed to leave before he said anything else that got to her, otherwise she might not want to leave at all.

"Thanks for... stopping by." Spike looked up at her, his eyes held such sadness that it made her want to weep and cradle him in her arms. "And... if I don't see you before then, congratulations on the, uh, the becoming a nun thing."

"Thank you... take care of yourself, Spike." Buffy fought down the impulse to touch his face.


	7. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magz

 

A few days before Buffy was due to take her final vows, she went to dinner at Willow's house. They were having a nice, simple dinner of roast chicken and rice.

"So, you must be pretty excited, right?" Willow asked.

"Hmmm?"

"About taking your vows."

"Oh... yes. Very excited." Buffy had felt distracted all night. Thoughts of Spike danced in her head, no matter how hard she tried to get them out.

"What's the matter, Buffy? Something's bothering you?" Willow asked seriously.

"Nothing... it's nothing." Buffy bit her lip and looked away.

"Buuuffffyy..." Willow drew out her name, and gave her an 'out with it' look.

"It's... Spike."

"I know," Willow said with a sigh. "We're all on pins and needles worrying about him. But he's been doing really well; not missing any of his sessions and stuff. He seems so down though... I guess it's a lot harder than even we imagined... And that's not what you meant, is it?" Willow said the last part slowly, seeing the guilty look on Buffy's face.

"No... I do worry about him having a setback... but... he-he told me that he loved me."

Willow's eyes widened. "He did?! Oh... oh, wow... I didn't know, I had no idea."

"That's the real reason I left the clinic -- I couldn't be around him after he told me that."

"You... sure he didn't mean 'I love you' like, 'Thanks for helping me, I respect and admire you'?" Willow asked hopefully.

"I'm sure. He said 'in love' and... kissed me."

Willow leaned back in her chair. "I-I don't know what to say... I wondered why you quit the clinic so suddenly. A lusty Spike would explain a lot."

Buffy looked at Willow desperately. "You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. Promise me."

"Okay... I promise."

"I... have feelings for him. I can't stop thinking or dreaming about him. I'm so ashamed..." Buffy hung her head.

"Do... you love him?" Willow asked.

"I... might." Buffy was a lot more sure than she admitted.

"I say again, wow. What are you going to do?"

"What can I do? I have to put him out of my mind. I have to forget about him," Buffy said, knowing it would be impossible.

"If you really do feel something for him... aren't you a little interested in seeing if it could lead anywhere?" Willow said gently.

"No, I can't. It's... it's out of the question." Buffy shook her head. "I made plans for my life a long time ago that didn't include him. I have to stay true to my chosen path."

"But..." Willow began, but Buffy interrupted her.

"Please, Willow. I can't talk about it anymore... I just had to tell you. I've confessed so many times to the priest, but I wanted to tell you, too."

"Okay, Buffy. We can talk about whatever you want... I'll be there when you take your vows, if you don't mind."

Buffy brightened a bit. "That would be nice. I'd like to have some support there."

Dinner conversation went on, in a Spike-free, less nerve-wracking way. The wheels in Willow's head, however, were turning at an alarming speed.

Spike was in love with Buffy, and if the look on the almost-nun's face was any indication, she had a bad case of Spike-fever. Whether she said the words or not, Buffy loved him too; but she was about to embark on a life of celibacy and service. A religious calling could be a wonderful and fulfilling thing, but not if you held regret for not taking a chance when love presented itself. Willow didn't know if the two blonds had a shot or not, but it would be tragic if they never even gave it a try.

Willow thought about what she should do. It didn't occur to her that she should keep her nose out of other people's business -- the forbidden nature of their love captured her imagination and brought out the romantic in her. She'd read far too many fanfics for her own good...

* * *

A few hours before going to witness Buffy taking her vows, Willow went to Spike's apartment. He'd invited her in and asked her what was on her mind.

He really didn't want any company today, it was the day that would finalize Buffy's commitment to the church and sever any chance that he may have had to win her heart. But he adored Willow and didn't want to seem rude.

"You want to come with me to St. Michael's?" Willow asked.

"For what?" Spike's brows furrowed.

"To support Buffy when she takes her vows."

"No... I-I don't want to go..." Spike said, his jaw working furiously.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Spike looked down. "Is it that obvious? Bloody hell... It doesn't matter how I feel. She doesn't feel the same way... and she's kind of off-the-market now."

"I think you should go," Willow prodded him. "She said she'd appreciate it if she had us there."

"She... mentioned me?" Spike asked timidly.

"Spike, I think she cares a lot more about you than she's saying. Part of her wants to be with you, I know it. If she sees you, maybe it will prompt her to choose love."

Spike absorbed the information, but then shook his head and stood up. He began to pace.

"No. And will you stop with that romance novel shit? That's not the way shit happens in real life. I'm already in fucking tatters over her. If I go and she doesn't choose me again... it'll bloody well destroy me! What are you trying to do to me, Willow?!"

"I-I'm just trying to help! I just thought..."

"Forget it! I'm not puttin' myself through that! No fucking, bloody way!" his voice shook, his face reddened.

"I'm sorry." Willow stood up and sniffled, her green eyes filling with tears. "I shouldn't have said anything."

She went to leave but Spike took her gently by the arm and turned her back towards him, his face showed remorse.

"Willow, luv, I'm sorry I shouted... I know you didn't mean any harm. This whole thing just makes me bloody crazy. Don't cry, pet."

Willow hugged him in a tight embrace. "It's okay... you're right. I was meddling again... Oz told me to cut down the meddling in people's lives to only once a week. I was trying to fill my quota," she joked feebly.

Spike tightened his hold on her. "You'll have to fill your quota with someone else, luv. Try it with someone who stands a chance at happiness..."

* * *

Buffy sat off to the side of the altar with three other women who were taking their vows today.

She, like the others, was dressed in full nun's habit. She fiddled with the fabric of her sleeve. Her nerves were frayed. Thoughts of Spike ran unbidden through her mind, she couldn't banish him. He was everywhere she looked, she thought she heard his voice so many times over the past few days -- whispering words of love in her ear. Buffy no longer held the belief that she'd ever be able to get him out of her mind.

Buffy looked over at Willow and Oz. Willow smiled and gave her a little wave. Buffy smiled back, but it looked more like she was constipated than happy. Angel and Xander had also come, they were constantly trying to loosen the necks of their dress shirts. Obviously they weren't suit and tie types.

_'I have to do this... This is what I have to do.'_ Buffy tried convincing herself.

The nun next to Buffy went to the priest when called and proceeded to take her vows.

_'I'm next...'_

Buffy felt something tugging at her, demanding her attention. She turned her head to the entrance of the church and gasped silently.

Spike was standing there in the archway, looking beautiful and gazing at her with a hopeful expression. His hair was slightly askew, like he'd just rolled out of bed. He was dressed all in black, his hands were thrust into the pockets of his leather duster. He was staring directly at her. Buffy couldn't look away from him.

_'What's he doing here!? Oh God, I-I can't look at him anymore! I can't do this if he's here!'_

Buffy gulped and shook her head to try and shake off the panic that had gripped her at seeing him. Buffy looked down in at her hands and then closed her eyes, praying for God to help her with her crisis.

Spike shut his eyes and clenched his jaw, a bolt of gut-wrenching emotional pain hit him. She didn't want him here, it was obvious from her reaction. It was foolhardy to have thought that maybe... maybe she could love him or care enough about him to change her mind. All he'd done by coming here was upset her, and that was something he didn't want to do again. Quietly, Spike backed away and left.

"Sister Buffy." The priest smiled at her. "Please step forward."

Buffy's head jerked up, her eyes wide. She slowly stood and approached the priest like she was going to be punished for something.

The priest began the ceremony. When it came time for Buffy to say her vows, she remained silent, her mouth opened and shut.

"Sister Buffy?"

"I... I can't!" Buffy looked pleadingly at her Mother Superior who was standing nearby. "I'm sorry, I can't take my vows."

As important as the church was to her, Buffy couldn't let Spike go -- she couldn't keep what she felt for him bottled up for the rest of her life. She loved him, she wanted him too much.

There were murmurs from the assembled witnesses. Mother Superior took Buffy aside.

"What's wrong, Buffy? You don't look well. Are you ill?"

"Mother, I'm sorry. I can't in good conscience take my vows. I'm... in love with someone. I thought I could forget him -- I tried so hard..."

The older nun sighed then slowly smiled. "I thought it might be something like that."

Buffy looked down in abashment. "I know how disappointed you must be in me..."

"It's true that I'm disappointed, you would have made a fine addition to the Order. But I'd be more disappointed if you'd blindly went into this without questioning whether it was what you really wanted. You have to be true to yourself, Buffy."

"You... you don't hate me for being so weak?"

"Of course not." She kissed Buffy's cheek. "You need to do what makes you happy, child."

"Thank you, Mother." Buffy sniffled. "I was so afraid of what you'd think of me."

"Is it that striking young man with the blond hair?" Mother Superior asked with a slanted grin.

Buffy blushed then glanced where she'd last seen Spike. She did a double-take when she saw that he'd left. She turned back to other woman. "He's gone..." she said in a whisper.

When had he left? Did he hear her say she couldn't go through with taking her vows or had he left before then?

"He only left a few minutes ago, you might be able to catch him..."

Buffy smiled and hugged Mother Superior. "Thank you."

Buffy turned and raced down the aisle, to the surprise of the petitioners. She gathered up her habit and lifted it slightly so she wouldn't trip on the hem.

"Where's she going?" Xander asked in confusion.

Willow grinned from ear-to-ear from her seat in the pew. Spike had come after all -- and it had worked! Buffy couldn't go through with it when she saw him. Willow made a note to tease Spike mercilessly about his derision of ‘romance novel shit.’

 

Once outside, Buffy looked around frantically. She spotted Spike trying to kick-start his motorcycle. Her heart jumped into her throat, and her stomach was doing somersaults.

"Spike!" Buffy yelled, running down the steps of the church.

He didn't hear her and attempted to start his bike again, the engine kicked in. Buffy ran faster.

"SPIKE!"

Spike quickly turned his head when he heard her calling him. His face registered his surprise.

Buffy ran until she was only ten feet away, she stopped and panted for breath.

“Buffy? What... what’s going on?” he asked in bewilderment. Had she come out to bitch at him for having the nerve to show up here?

“Spike, um, hi.” Buffy smiled.

“Hi...” He cut off the engine and stared at her. “Shouldn’t you be inside?”

“I... My heart’s beating so fast!” Buffy laughed nervously and put a hand on her chest. She took a deep breath. “I-I couldn’t take my vows.”

“Oh?” Now his heart started skipping beats. “Why not?”

“Because... because I love you.”

They stared at each other. Spike’s mind registered what she’d said and an amazed smile twitched up on his face. He dismounted the bike and walked towards her.

“You do?”

“Yes,” Buffy said breathlessly. “I love you. You drive me crazy -- I can’t eat -- I can’t sleep...” She walked towards Spike until they were within kissing distance. "I can't stop thinking about you..."

“When did you know?” His blue eyes danced merrily over her face.

“I knew I wanted you since that first night... the loving you part came later. I tried to deny it... but when it came down to it... I love you, Spike. I’m sorry I’ve put you through so much, that I lied and said I didn't want you.”

“Shhh.” Spike closed the short distance between them and took her in his arms. “This is what matters... That you’re here with me now. You... sure this is what you want? I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I’m sure now. This is what I want... you’re what I want. I don’t want to be without you any more... I can't be.” Buffy put her arms around his neck and closed her eyes for the kiss she craved like nothing else.

Spike smirked and leaned in. They kissed tentatively, lips brushing softy together. Buffy sighed and pulled him harder against her, her lips becoming more aggressive. Spike pushed his tongue between her lips and ran his hands over her back.

They stood in front of the church locked together, kissing with more passion and intensity by the moment.

Passers-by couldn’t help but stare at the sight of a nun and a bleached-blond, punk-type embracing in such a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d end the story here if not for the fact that I require at least one steamy (not a dream, or fantasy) sex scene in all of my fics. Hope you don’t mind! ;)


	8. At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gorgeous banners by Edgehead, Joy, and Magaz

 

Buffy and Spike had spent that night at his apartment, talking and revealing their souls to the other.

Even though they both wanted it, they held off on having sex. Buffy was still scared about losing her virginity and had the jitters. Spike had understood (although he’d need to take a cold shower or two) and hadn’t pressured her. They’d lain on his couch together, just holding each other.

Spike promised he’d wait until she was ready, and that he’d make it as special for her as he possibly could.

The next evening, Spike decided to try a romantic evening.

They started by hopping on his motorcycle and going for a ride. Buffy clung to his mid-section, copping a discreet feel occasionally.

Spike had noticed and smirked. She was feeling a bit frisky, was she? Good.

They arrived at the beach after driving for a half hour. Buffy dismounted from the bike and rubbed her sore butt. She had enjoyed the vibrations of the bike though, that combined with being pressed against Spike’s back had her feeling extremely horny.

“Nice night, ain’t it, pet?” Spike asked, looking up at the Full Moon.

Buffy smiled, looking at him, the white-blue light of the Moon illuminated his handsome, sculpted face. “It’s beautiful.”

Spike turned his head and smirked at her then held out his hand. Buffy took it and they began walking down to the sand.

“This is nice,” Buffy said. “It’s so peaceful and lovely here.”

The sounds of the surf lulled them into relaxation.

Spike stopped when they came to a large rock. He walked around it and started poking around behind it.

“What are you doing?” Buffy laughed.

“Getting... Aha! Here it is. Getting this!” Spike pulled out a picnic hamper. He looked at her shyly. “I planted this here a little while before I picked you up.”

Buffy grinned brightly. “You little devil. What’s in it?”

“Why don’t we see?” he said with a smile.

Spike took a mini-cooler out from behind the rock too, then walked down the sand a few feet and got down on his knees. He opened up the hamper and pulled out a blanket. Buffy took it and spread it out on the sand.

“Some champagne and fruit in the cooler, aerosol cheese, some crackers...” Spike said rooting through the hamper. “Not gourmet cuisine, but...”

“It sounds great.” Buffy sat down on the blanket.

Spike suddenly felt like a cad for arranging all this. Above all else, he wanted them to have a romantic evening, but his libido had apparently taken the liberty to pack some of the foodstuffs. In addition to the things he’d mentioned, there was whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and other things that could be used erotically. He quickly closed the hamper lid when Buffy tried peeking in.

She laughed. “You almost caught my nose in there.”

“Oh, pet, I’m sorry!” Spike said hurriedly.

“What’cha got in there, that my blushing eyes can’t see?” Buffy teased.

“Um, nothing...”

“Let me see.” Buffy opened it and looked in. “I don’t get it. Why are you nervous about bringing yummy things to eat?” She looked up at him.

“I told you I wouldn’t pressure you about... sex. And how do I do that? By bringin’ whipped cream and fudge sauce... I’m a bad, rude man. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go home.” Spike sighed miserably.

“First of all, I happen to like whipped cream and fudge sauce. Second, I... didn’t know you could use that kind of stuff for sex-type stuff.” She blushed. “And third, who said we _wouldn’t_ be having sex tonight?” Buffy was salivating at the possibility of a whipped cream, chocolate-covered Spike.

Spike looked at her sharply, immense hope blooming in his chest. “You... you know you don’t have to do anything, Buffy. I promise I won’t bring it up if --"

“I’m bringing it up.” She took the champagne bottle out of the cooler and handed it to him to open.

Spike absently worked on opening the bottle while gazing at her.

“I’ve wanted you for months now,” Buffy said, her blood pounded through her body. “I’m still nervous about it, but I want to try. And,“ she smiled, “tonight is so warm, beautiful, and perfect...”

The cork popped out of the bottle -- Spike looked about ready to pop too. He looked so cute and flustered that Buffy had to giggle as she held out the glasses for him.

Spike recovered from his daze and smirked, filling the glasses then putting the bottle back in the mini-cooler.

They clinked glasses and sipped the cheap champagne, it was surprisingly good.

“You laughin’ at me, eh?” Spike grinned.

“Of course not!” Buffy giggled. “You just looked so cute when I said I wanted to... you know...”

They settled on the blanket, looking up at the bright stars over the ocean. A comfortable silence stretched between them. Spike was leaving the initiation of affection up to her. The ball was in her court, so to speak.

“You think the water’s cold?” Buffy asked.

“Don’t know... why?” He turned his head to her. “Fancy a swim?”

“Maybe...” Buffy giggled again, she was feeling positively giddy with excitement. “Why don’t you go see if the water’s warm enough for comfort.”

Spike smiled and removed his leather duster, boots, and socks then went down to the water. He was pleased to find that it was cold, but more invigorating than numbing.

“It’s not too bad,” Spike called back.

Buffy steeled herself, drained the rest of her champagne and stood up. She pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it on the blanket. Spike stood motionless by the water’s edge looking at her. Buffy smiled and took off her pants. She was down to her white bra and panties.

_'I have to invest in some more interesting undergarments...'_ Buffy thought.

Spike walked back to the blanket, smiling at her seductively.

Buffy gestured at him. “You planning on swimming fully-clothed?” She was getting more and more excited. She wanted to see his body again.

Spike stripped of his t-shirt and started on his pants then stopped, looking up at her through his lashes.

“What?” Buffy asked.

“I, uh, I don’t wear underwear...”

“Oh.” She laughed. “Well... that could be a problem. Why don’t I take off all my clothes so you don’t feel too... vulnerable.” Buffy’s entire body was flushed with desire.

“Yeah...” Spike’s eyes caressed her body. “That sounds like a plan.” He grinned, his tongue curling up behind his top teeth.

Buffy took off her bra and stepped out of her panties, then ran like lightning down and into the water. Spike quickly removed his pants and raced after her. He wanted a _much_ better look at that gorgeous, tight little body of hers.

Buffy squealed and waded further into the water when she saw him chasing her. She went in until the water was up to her chest. Although she knew she was in good shape (she ate right and tried to keep fit) no man had ever seen her body before, she was feeling self-conscious.

Spike caught up to her, but stayed a few feet away. It was still her move, he wouldn’t do anything for which she wasn’t ready. They looked shyly at each other.

“Not fair, runnin’ off like that,” Spike teased. “Didn’t even get a proper look at you. What I did manage to see before you took off, left me wanting more...”

Buffy smiled. “I look okay, then? I mean, you’re the only man who’s seen me, pardon the pun, in the buff.”

Spike laughed. “Okay? Pet, you’re beautiful, gorgeous, effulgent...” He moved a little closer to her.

“Thanks, I hoped I’d look... Effulgent? What’s that mean?” She wrinkled her brow at the new term.

He smirked. “It means: glowing, radiant...” 

“Oh, I like that word. Effulgent,” Buffy tried it again. “You sure do talk purdy.”

They chuckled. Suddenly, Buffy splashed water at him.

“Hey!” Spike yelled good-naturedly and splashed her back.

The two of them continued swimming around and splashing each other and Buffy giggled. She got a good shot in, catching him with his mouth open. Spike coughed and spluttered water.

“Oh! Spike, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to --"

Buffy squealed when he grabbed her around the middle and pulled her against him. She squirmed in his arms, then suddenly, she didn’t want to escape so much. It was pure Heaven to feel his hard body against her naked flesh. She could feel his cock pressing against her thigh.

“That was very naughty of you,” Spike said in rumbling voice, that she found sexy as hell.

Then he remembered his pledge to let her direct the evening’s activities, and tried removing his arms from around her. Buffy however wrapped her arms around his neck and latched on to his lips with hers. They kissed hungrily, but leisurely, enjoying all the sensations the other brought about in their bodies.

“Such a good kisser!” Buffy panted when Spike moved his mouth down to her throat. “How did you learn to kiss like that?! Wait, no -- don’t tell me.”

Spike chuckled and pulled back to look at her. “Jealous, pet? Don’t like the thoughts of some other chit teaching me how to --"

Buffy cut him off by covering his mouth with hers again. Buffy felt the same thing when she’d caught him in the sauna with that Harmony girl -- jealousy. That primitive, claiming response surged within her, bringing with it ‘Buffy the Cave Girl.’ She was feeling that enormously powerful, unstoppable lust that had overtaken her the night of the frat party. Spike was hers, no one else's.

Spike gasped into her mouth when her hand wrapped around his hard cock under the water. Buffy’s moans and little growls were getting more insistent, she rubbed her hard nipples against his chest.

_'Okay, I guess this means she’s ready!'_ Spike thought excitedly.

He gently pried her off of him and took her hand as he made his way back out of the water. Buffy followed him in a haze. At the water’s edge, she pulled him back to her and started another fiery kiss. Their passion got the better of them, they sank to their knees in the wet sand - touching each other and kissing roughly.

Buffy lay down on the sand, pulling him on top of her, continuing the desperate kisses and groping. The waves lapped at their legs.

Spike knew at this rate, they’d never make it back to the blanket. Sex in the wet sand did sound quite nice, but this was her first time, there were some other things he wanted to do for her first. He picked her up and carried her back to the blanket, then laid her down carefully.

Buffy lay on her back, breathing heavily and looking at him with hooded eyes. He propped himself up on his hands over her.

“You sure, pet? You want this?”

“Yes!” Buffy said breathlessly. “Please... I want it -- I want you.”

Spike smiled and lowered himself on top of her, kissing her tenderly. Buffy moaned and put her hands on his shoulders. He kissed down to her chest and laved her wet nipples with his tongue.

“Ohhhhh” Buffy sighed, her hands winding into his untamed locks. Buffy bit her lip, debating on whether she could say what was on her mind, she felt so... dirty for it. “Umm, Spike?”

Spike lifted his head and looked into her eyes.

“I know this is... weird, and you’ll probably think I’m a freak... N-never mind -- I can’t say it!” Buffy turned her face away, blushing hotly.

Spike’s brows knit. “Buffy-pet, what is it?” He moved back to her face, placing small, soft kisses to her cheek and the corner of her mouth. “You want me to do something special for you? I’ll do it. I’ll do anything you want.”

His kisses and the soft, sincere tone of his voice, emboldened her slightly. “I... Oh God, I feel so stupid. I had fantasies about you...”

Spike smirked against her skin. “Mmmm, fantasies are good. What did you have in mind?”

“Could... you, umm, e-ejaculate on me?” Each word was forced out of her.

Spike’s eyes widened, but he didn’t want her to think he was grossed out or put-off for even a moment. “That’s all?” he asked, hiding his surprise.

“Y-yeah... you don’t think it’s weird?” She glanced at him.

“Uh-uh.” Spike pulled back. “I think it’s bloody hot. I had a fantasy or two of cumming on you.”

“You did?” Buffy said, her desire returning with a vengeance.

Spike nodded. “Lots of people like that sort of thing. Including me. So don’t be shy about it.” He kissed then nibbled on her earlobe.

“You haven’t heard all of it yet...” Buffy said.

“I’m all ears, pet. Well, not _all_ ears...” He chuckled and slid his hard cock along her thigh.

“Um... in some of the fantasies/dreams, you straddled my waist and... came on my chest and on my face -- then you smeared it over my breasts and... licked it off.” Buffy could barely speak, she was so breathless with want.

Spike, again, hid his shock at the virgin’s fetish. It was shocking but incredibly arousing -- such a sweet, innocent, chaste thing like her being into cum-play.

Spike only smiled lovingly at her. “You have some pretty elaborate fantasies for a virgin, can’t wait to see what you can come up with when you’ve had a little more experience.”

“You’re not wigged out? I mean... we don’t have to do that, you don’t have to lick --"

“Shhh.” Spike swooped back down to kiss her. “Hush, pet. I told you I’d do anything you want. If it's having me lick your beautiful tits clean of my cum, then so be it. I don’t mind at all -- it’s so bloody sexy...” His mouth moved down to her chest and took her left nipple in his mouth.

“Ohhh -- Oh Spike, I was so scared to tell you that. Thank God you’re not grossed out!”

“Hardly,” Spike said then sucked on her other nipple. His right hand caressed her thigh. “This is all for you, Buffy. I want to make this good for you.”

He traveled down over her stomach, his tongue flicking out to taste her wet, salty skin. He stopped to dip his tongue into the well of her belly button before moving on again. Placing kisses along her pelvis and hips, his hands gently separated her thighs.

Buffy was moaning and panting already in anticipation of what he was about to do. She’d imagined his tongue there a million times, but she didn’t know what it would feel like exactly. At the first stroke of his tongue on her labia, Buffy gasped loudly and fisted the blanket under her.

Spike lifted his head. “Everything alright?”

“Yes! Yes, it feels so good! Don’t stop!”

Spike smirked then went back to her with his tongue. He inhaled deeply from her dripping, virgin pussy. She was so ripe and fragrant. He then dragged his slithering tongue up and down her slick lips, wiggling inside of them. Her clit was erect and poking out the top of her slit, he gave it a little lick and suck.

“OH SPIKE!” Buffy exclaimed when his tongue brushed over her clit. A flood of juices poured from her already drenched cunt.

Spike's tongue probed deeply into Buffy's sopping wet pussy. He moaned as he slurped up her juices and tongued her fiercely.

She spread her legs wider for him and groaned. This felt better than she EVER could have imagined. She panted and writhed around on the  
blanket.

"So sweet," Spike said between licks. "You taste so bloody sweet, pet."

"Ahhhhaa -- Ohh Spike -- Ohhh yes!"

Sensing she was ready to cum, Spike focused on her clit with his mouth. His right hand stroked her slit then gingerly, he slid a finger into her tight pussy up to the first knuckle; it was all he could put inside without busting through her hymen, he wanted his cock to have that honor. Spike thrust his finger in and out slowly, stretching her out for him.

"AAAAHHH! OH! OH!" Buffy was nearing the edge.

Spike locked his mouth over her clit and gently sucked it while rubbing his tongue against it.

"SPIKE! OH GOD! I-I'm c-cumming! I'm cumming so HARDDDD!" Buffy's hips bucked, thrusting her pussy against his mouth.

Spike held on gamely as his little filly tried bucking him off, he wouldn't be deterred though. Buffy screamed and came hard onto his mouth. Spike sucked on her clit harder, causing more lights to burst behind Buffy's eyes. She screeched and gasped as another earth-shattering orgasm shoved the first one out of it's way and shook her body. They were almost brutal in their force.

Using his thumb to further masturbate her throbbing clit, he slid his tongue back into her cunt, lapping at her spendings. He hungrily fed from her.

Buffy thought she'd never stop cumming, a series of exquisite orgasms, one more devastatingly, brain shattering than the last, coursed through her. She lay on her back, writhing and looking up at the stars. It was profound, so surreal: being here with the man she loved, he was making love to her body and taking her to heights of pleasure that she'd never known while she gazed into the Heavens. It was a religious experience.

When his jaw began to tire, Spike crawled up to lay on his side next to the satisfied and barely intelligible blonde. He wiped his face and grinned at her. Buffy slowly turned her head to look at him with a big smile on her face.

"I've wanted to do that since I first met you," Spike said happily. "You're delicious." He kissed her softly.

Buffy smiled and sighed. Her juices still glistened on his face. In one of her many impulses, Buffy licked her own pussy juice off his cheek. She asked him if he'd lick up his own spunk, it was only polite to show him she was prepared to do the same.

Spike groaned with desire when he figured out what she was doing. His cock became even harder and stiffer than it had been. One of Buffy's hands found it's way to his jutting cock and began stroking him. She'd had - she didn't even know how many orgasms he'd given her, and yet, her pussy felt like it was on fire for him again.

Spike gently pushed her onto her back and moved his body on top of hers. Buffy eagerly spread her legs wide. His throbbing cock slid along the outside of her pussy-lips, making them both groan. He held himself above her.

"You ready, Buffy?"

"Yes. I want you," Buffy said huskily.

Spike smiled, kissed her sweetly and poised himself at her tight, virgin hole. Slowly, he pushed in. She felt even more amazing than he'd thought she would, her tight sheath gradually stretched around his girth. He stopped when his cock’s head nudged her barrier. They were both breathing heavily and looking into the other's eyes. Buffy nodded and gripped his strong shoulders.

Spike backed out a few inches then plunged back in swiftly. Buffy dug her nails into his shoulders and sucked in air at the sudden pain. Spike rested his forehead on the blanket under them as he caught his breath. He was buried balls-deep within her pussy.

"Shhh, petal," Spike said quietly, kissing away the tear that formed and fell from the corner of her eye.

He brushed his lips softly over her cheek then her lips. Gradually, Buffy's nails retracted from his flesh; whimpers of pain turned to mewls of contentment as the unpleasant burning eased into nothingness. The only burning she felt now was one of passion.

Unconsciously, Buffy rolled her hips lightly. Spike looked down at her.

"You alright now, luv?"

"Yessss," Buffy hissed, her hands slid gracefully over his chest.

Spike propped himself up above her and began slow, shallow thrusts of his hips. Buffy sighed and arched her neck. He started pumping deeper and harder into her.

"Ohhhhh - Yesssss!" Buffy groaned, arching into him.

Spike kissed her face and neck, whispering how wonderful she was.

"So bloody beautiful - so bloody hot - Ahhh - Buffy - Does it feel good, pet?"

"So good!" Buffy cried. "Yes! Ohhhh! No, better than good -- GRRREAT!" she yelled, sounding like an orgasmic Tony the Tiger. Buffy cried out when she came again.

Spike panted and made low, groaning noises in his throat. Her pussy squeezed his cock ruthlessly, trapping it in her hot, wet prison. He ground their pelvises together as she twitched uncontrollably around his shaft.

As soon as it was possible, he started thrusting in and out increasingly faster. Spike remembered her request from earlier somehow in his frenzied state, and slowed down to a stop.

Buffy wrapped her legs around him and humped up frantically. "Don't stop!"

"Buffy, I'm going to cum -- if you want me to do what you asked, we have to stop _now_ ," Spike said, breathing deeply.

"Oh... OH!" Buffy said excitedly, breathing rapidly.

She quickly unhooked her legs. Spike pulled out of her, his granite-hard cock waved in the air in front of him. He moved to straddle her waist and began stroking himself over her.

Buffy propped herself up on her elbows, her face alight and animated. She reached out with one hand and petted his drooling cock then moved down to fondle his sac.

Spike groaned and tilted his face up to the sky. "Buffy -- Uhhh -- I'm going to cum!"

Buffy's body was vibrating with exhilaration. She was thrilled to be living out this particular fantasy.

Spike thrust into his hand four times before he came with a loud grunt. Buffy leaned back and watched as his cock began to shoot thick, strands onto her chest. Buffy moaned and opened her mouth wide. Spike moved up her body slightly and pumped his dick, aiming at her face. The creamy wads splashed on her chin and into her mouth.

"Mmmm! Ahhhh!" Buffy gasped and swallowed, licked her lips and then opened up for more.

Spike moaned and pulled on his cock, making sure to get more on her chest then focused on her open mouth again - she was hungry for it. Several more volleys spurted into and around her mouth. Buffy sat up and took his cock in her hands then lowered her mouth over it, moaning around it and sucking on the head.

Spike put his now free hands on her shoulders as Buffy slid her mouth back and forth over the head, her tongue rubbing him roughly. Her hands wrapped around the base, milking him until he was spent. Even as he began to soften, she continued sucking, pulling, and licking him.

"Buffy-luv, you got it all," he panted, caressing the sides of her head lovingly.

Buffy lifted her mouth off of him and placed a few more kisses and swift licks to his prick’s head. Her eyes rose to meet his, she smiled shyly.

"I got a little carried away..." Buffy said sheepishly, scooping up the spunk around her mouth and chin then promptly sucking it into her mouth.

Spike smiled, brushing her hair away from her face. He looked at the cum on her chest and on her face, remembering the rest of her fantasy. He'd tasted himself before, it wasn't repugnant to him, and she really wanted this.

"Lay down, pet," Spike said silkily.

Buffy dropped back down to her back. Spike lay on his side next to her and pressed their lips together, kissing slowly and softly. His right hand slid up her stomach to her chest, rubbing the gooey liquid around and coating her tits with it.

Buffy could hardly breathe, she couldn't speak. This was so erotic, so hot. Spike broke the kiss and smiled down on her for a moment then watched his hand as it spread the cum around on her body.

Spike bent his head down and began licking her left breast with broad strokes of his tongue. His cum-covered hand fondled her other breast, rolling and pinching the nipple. He circled her areola with his tongue, then covered it with his mouth.

"Ohhhhh! OH YES!" Buffy gasped.

Spike's hand slid down her body to her mound. He slipped his fingers inside, gently probing, while his thumb frigged her clit.

Buffy could only shake and moan at his actions. She wanted to hold him, and tell him how wonderful what he was doing felt, but she couldn't find the words or the strength to move. An incredibly powerful orgasm of epic proportions was just a breath away. She panted and looked down at him as he sucked on her nipple. His eyes were drowsy-looking, but still bright and lively. He smiled at her around her tit. That was it; the last, perfect, decadent image from her fantasy. Buffy's eyes went wide as she felt it beginning.

"S-S-PIKKKKE!" Buffy arched her body off the ground and screamed, her inner-muscles clamped down on his questing fingers.

Spike moaned and continued making love to her breasts and finger-fucking her as she convulsed and whimpered. It took a few minutes for her to come back from the dizzying heights to which she had ascended.

"Was that what you wanted, pet?" Spike asked her softly, kissing her shoulder.

"Huh? Oh..." Buffy fought to think straight. Then she giggled; a purely feminine, joyful sound. "That was - everything I wanted it to be..." She put her hand on his cheek and grinned at him. "Thank you - you were - so wonderful."

Spike smiled and kissed her palm. "No need to thank me, Buffy. I had a bloody good time too."

He leaned down for another kiss. Buffy ran her fingers through his hair, her tongue poked around inside his mouth, picking up the traces of his cum and bringing it back into her mouth. It was even better mixed with the taste of his mouth.

In the back of Buffy's mind, she felt guilty for having pre-marital sex. That was a big no-no. However - this was the man with whom she wanted to spend eternity. She couldn't imagine being with or wanting to be with anyone else.

"I love you, Spike," Buffy whispered.

"I love you, too." Spike smiled and kissed her lips lightly. Then he raised an eyebrow. "Feel peckish? We got some goodies in the pic-a-nic basket..."

Buffy laughed. "I did work up an appetite. What have we got again?"

"Um, the whipped cream and chocolate sauce, some nice, healthy fruit, crackers and cheese --"

"Let's start with the cheese and crackers, then move on to the chocolate and whipped cream." Her hands moved up and down his chest. "You think you'd like it if I licked it off your body? I'd like to do that..." Buffy giggled again at the lusty look that instantly appeared on his face.

He swooped down to capture her lips.

They forgot all about the cheese and crackers.

 

{{ 

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link: 

[ At Last - Etta James ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1uunRdQ61M)

}} 

 

_♫At last, my love has come along_  
My lonely days are over  
And life is like a song  
Ohh yeah, yeah 

_At last_  
The skies above are blue  
My heart was wrapped up in clover  
The night I looked at you 

_I found a dream that I could speak to_  
A dream that I can call my own  
I found a thrill to press my cheek to  
A thrill that I have never known  
Ohh yeah, yeah 

_You smile, you smile_  
Ohh And then the spell was cast  
And here we are in heaven  
For you are mine  
At last♫ 

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * 'At Last' lyrics by Gordon, Mack; Warren, Harry
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


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